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Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view

#people #animals #captivity #zoos #humans #debate
Nurturing
animals
 in captives has always been an issue for a lot of people.
However
, certain groups believe that the are advantages for both the
animals
 and humans provided by it. I personally think that keeping the
animals
 in captivity, in most cases, is helping the
animals
. It is mostly known that
animals
 in the zoo seem quiet as if they are stressful. Unlike being in the wilderness, where they can explore and enjoy the jungle, in the zoo, they have very limited space to go to and find entertainment for themselves. In most zoos, all of the
animals
 are divided into sectors, isolated from other species, which forces them to live in a homogeneous environment. The lack of variety in the block could
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to boredom, especially if it happened in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term. Despite the flatness that the
animals
 need to endure, living in captives has a higher life expectancy compared to one who lives in the jungle. The certainty of always getting fed and less hunt or to-be-hunt scenario are the main factors. Scheduled mealtime provided, not only eliminates the possibility of starvation but
also
 removes the duty to find living stocks,
thus
 leaving the possibility of being preyed by others from the higher food chain.
In addition
, a lot of the endangered species have been rescued
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 put into sanctuaries to shelter them from poachers. Having
animals
 in reserves
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 a lot of people to see them
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
 in safety, as not everyone is willing to survive the wildlife for the same thing.
To conclude
, keeping the
animals
 live in captivity provides more benefits to their life expectancy,
although
 it could lead to
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boredom in the long run.
Submitted by ariefaryadi383 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a basic structure but lacks complexity in expression and variety in language use. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, strive for more sophisticated paragraphing, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph, followed by expansion and examples.
task achievement
In terms of task response, you have addressed the prompt to a certain degree but could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic. Develop your arguments with more specific examples and deeper analysis to fully satisfy the requirements of the task. Furthermore, a more decisive personal view would enhance your task achievement score. Ensure that your stance is clear throughout the essay and is supported with reasoned arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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