Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view

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Nurturing

animals

in captives has always been an issue for a lot of people.

However

, certain groups believe that the are advantages for both the

animals

and humans provided by it. I personally think that keeping the

animals

in captivity, in most cases, is helping the

animals

. It is mostly known that

animals

in the zoo seem quiet as if they are stressful. Unlike being in the wilderness, where they can explore and enjoy the jungle, in the zoo, they have very limited space to go to and find entertainment for themselves. In most zoos, all of the

animals

are divided into sectors, isolated from other species, which forces them to live in a homogeneous environment. The lack of variety in the block could

led

Change the verb form

lead

show examples

to boredom, especially if it happened in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

long term. Despite the flatness that the

animals

need to endure, living in captives has a higher life expectancy compared to one who lives in the jungle. The certainty of always getting fed and less hunt or to-be-hunt scenario are the main factors. Scheduled mealtime provided, not only eliminates the possibility of starvation but

also

removes the duty to find living stocks,

thus

leaving the possibility of being preyed by others from the higher food chain.

In addition

, a lot of the endangered species have been rescued

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

put into sanctuaries to shelter them from poachers. Having

animals

in reserves

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

a lot of people to see them

first hand

Correct your spelling

first-hand

show examples

in safety, as not everyone is willing to survive the wildlife for the same thing.

To conclude

, keeping the

animals

live in captivity provides more benefits to their life expectancy,

although

it could lead to

into

Change preposition

apply

show examples

boredom in the long run.

Submitted by ariefaryadi383 on Tue Jan 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a basic structure but lacks complexity in expression and variety in language use. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, strive for more sophisticated paragraphing, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph, followed by expansion and examples.

task achievement

In terms of task response, you have addressed the prompt to a certain degree but could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic. Develop your arguments with more specific examples and deeper analysis to fully satisfy the requirements of the task. Furthermore, a more decisive personal view would enhance your task achievement score. Ensure that your stance is clear throughout the essay and is supported with reasoned arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view

Fully explain your ideas

Students at schools and universities learn far more by lessons with their teachers compared to other sources (e.g. television, the Internet). Do you agree or disagree?

All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The cities and towns all over the world the high volume of traffic is problem what are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem.