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People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #lives #values #customs #pity
People
 nowadays are working hard to buy more things. Even though
this
 trend has made life simpler,
people
 are imploring that it has hindered traditional values
while
 promoting
materialism
.
This
 essay will emphasize that the
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
statement is incorrect. In its truest sense,
materialism
 is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any person. But from what has been observed,
people
 are happy once they get what they want.
Moreover
, they feel like they’ve accomplished a goal, which gives them and their efforts
further
 gratification. When an individual accomplishes a target that he sets,
for instance
, a car, he feels good about himself. Suppose walking as a traditional value is substituted in the midst. In that case, there is no harm in that because a car allows the person to travel with ease and safety, makes him punctual and gives him the leisure to go the extra mile if his workplace is located far from his home.
Materialism
 is,
therefore
, an evolutionary aspect of human culture as it allows redirection of focus from menial tasks to other important ones.
On the other hand
, being avaricious can cause unhappiness as there is no upper limit to either satisfaction or greed. But,
such
 cases are far too few, and in general,
people
’s functionality is increased.
Furthermore
,
materialism
 doesn’t directly affect traditional values,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
 makes lives easier and more comfortable.
Hence
,
people
 working hard to buy things has definitely made life more comfortable. So, if traditional values have been lost in the process, one has to realise it as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 progressive aspect and nothing else.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure with a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that each part of your essay plays its role: an introduction to present the topic and your opinion, at least two or three body paragraphs to support your viewpoint with examples, and a conclusion to summarize your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
You need to develop your main points more thoroughly. Each body paragraph should contain a clear main idea followed by supporting details and examples. It's important to expand on your ideas to explain how they relate to the question and to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. The question asks you to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement, but your answer does not express a clear position. Furthermore, it appears that you have misunderstood the topic at hand, which affects the relevance of your arguments. Make sure you read the task carefully and address all parts of the prompt in your response.
task achievement
Your use of examples and specific details is insufficient and not effectively used to justify your point of view; it's important to provide specific examples to support your argument. The inclusion of these examples will also allow you to better demonstrate your understanding of the topic and will make your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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