Write a letter to the train company’s head office. In your letter, give the details of your journey, including the date, time and where you sat explain the problems that happened and express your dissatisfaction ask about what action will be taken to improve the service
Dear the
train
manager,
I am one of your passangers
in the third wagon of your midnight Correct your spelling
passengers
train
that carried
by one of your Add a missing verb
was carried
conducters
on Sunday, 18th of January. My seat, 36C, Correct your spelling
conductors
was
supposedly had a beautiful outdoor view from the window that I should've enjoyed. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, I couldn't see any of the mountain view
as the window was so dirty and covered by dust and Change to a plural noun
views
dirts
. My dissatisfaction was not only stop there, as I realized Change the wording
dirt
specks of dirt
my
food that I ordered from the Change the pronoun
the
train
restaurant had not arrived for more than 45 minutes.
More than that, the food was also
completly
cold and frozen Correct your spelling
completely
showed
that it was unsafe for Wrong verb form
showing
customer
to eat. The staff was Fix the agreement mistake
customers
also
not handing me any cutleries before I directly asked them.
I am now writing this
in order to state my problem as I am very disappointed with the whole service of how I did not find my trip pleasing at all. I wonder if you have any thoughts about this
issue and what kind of improvement or compension
for customer and the Correct your spelling
compensation
train
service. Because, if it countinously
happens in the future, you will lose all of your customers.
Best regards,
KimiCorrect your spelling
continuously
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Coherence and Cohesion
The letter could be better organized by separating different issues into distinct paragraphs for coherence. For example, one paragraph for the issue with the window, one for the delayed and unsatisfactory food service, and one for the overall dissatisfaction and query regarding future improvements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introductory and closing paragraphs convey the necessary elements but could be more formally structured. Moreover, a formal salutation such as 'Dear Sir/Madam' would be more appropriate in formal letters.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, while the letter addresses all three bullet points, clearer and more precise details could be provided, especially concerning the description of the issues. Explicitly stating the train and route number could enhance the detail level, and elaborating on the exact nature or cause of dissatisfaction would strengthen the response.
Task Achievement
The tone of the letter at times is too informal ('the food was also completly cold and frozen showed that it was unsafe for customer to eat'). Adapting a more formal tone that is consistent throughout the letter would better suit the context of a complaint to a company's head office.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite