some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. is this a positive developement or a negative one?

The
use
of mobile
phones
among the children has become quite common nowadays.
While
some schools have restricted its
use
on campus to make children’s life better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and help them to improve focus and concentration. In my opinion, the ban
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
using mobile
phones
will have a positive development for the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
of kids. Restricting the
use
of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
in the classroom itself can improve the concentration of
students
. There will be no distractions for
students
that can trigger their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
to check their
phones
.
For instance
, when I am trying to study on my laptop, my mind constantly forces me to check on Instagram repeatedly. Even if I had recently closed the app, it still triggers my mind to check again and
this
same phenomenon will occur in the classroom, if the student
will have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
phone
Add an article
a phone
the phone
show examples
in their pocket. These distractions will disturb the focus, and
also
the grasping power will get compromised. It may cause
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
adverse effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic progress as well. A complete ban on
phones
during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class frees the learners from the habit of compulsive checking and will improve their ability to concentrate.
Furthermore
,
due to
the unavailability of the phone,
students
will try to connect more with their peers and
also
, can make a strong bond with them. When I was a kid,
phones
were not allowed in our classrooms and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
all the
students
used to share their knowledge with each other. And because of that, we have a large network in our adulthood and
also
lots of memories to talk about. The friendships made during childhood are very pure and those friends can help to solve any of the problems which we may face during our adulthood. These strong bonds can only be made if the distractions
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
eradicated during the schooling period. To recapitulate,
phones
have become
Correct article usage
an
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
essential part of our lives but restricting their
use
Change preposition
in
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
will have many positive developments. It will improve their academics, strengthen their friendships and will engage in healthier pursuits.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support Main Points
Ensure that you expand on your main points with a range of relevant examples to support your argument. While personal anecdotes can be effective, incorporating other sources of evidence could strengthen your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strive to create a clearer topic sentence for each new paragraph and ensure that subsequent sentences follow logically. Use varied linking words to better connect ideas.
Introduction Conclusion Present
Develop an introductory paragraph that more clearly presents the overarching argument of your essay, touching upon the key points you will discuss.
Task Achievement
To more fully address the essay prompt, consider presenting a balanced view including opposing arguments or concessions, followed by a refutation or clarification of your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: