Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Several university scholars are interested in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as social clubs and sports. It is often argued that it may affect the academic performance of the students. I completely agree with
this
view which I will explain in
this
essay. Several university scholars are interested in
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as social clubs and sports. It is often argued that it may affect the academic performance of the students. I completely agree with
this
view which I will explain in
this
essay.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presented is significantly under length and lacks depth, failing to provide a meaningful analysis of the topic at hand. The content is almost entirely repeated in the two paragraphs provided which suggests that the response is not complete, and therefore, does not fulfill the task requirement of discussing the advantages and disadvantages concerning students' involvement in extracurricular activities at the university. Additionally, there is no development of ideas or provision of specific examples which are essential for a richer response.
coherence cohesion
The repeated content indicates a lack of understanding in structuring a cohesive essay. Such repetition undermines the logical flow typically expected in IELTS essays. A variety of cohesive devices should be used to help outline the main ideas and show the relationship between paragraphs and sentences, but none can be found in this essay. Further, both an introduction with a clear thesis statement outlining the essay's structure and a conclusion summarizing the main points and restating the writer's position are necessary components still missing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • teamwork
  • networking
  • time management
  • physical fitness
  • stress reduction
  • commitment
  • diverse interests
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • overcommitment
  • burnout
  • financial strain
  • exclusivity
  • discrimination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: