Nowadays, it is becoming more popular to see animals to be kept in captivity, for instance, the zoo Do the advantage of keeping animal in the zoo outweight the disadvantage?
Zoo
become more famous in society Fix the agreement mistake
Zoos
to take
a look Change preposition
for taking
on
Change preposition
at
animals
. This
essay will compare the benefit
and Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
its
drawbacks of Correct pronoun usage
apply
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
being keep
in Change the verb form
being kept
the
Correct article usage
apply
zoo
. I believe the Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
favor
Change the spelling
favour
outweigh
the Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
unfavor
in Correct your spelling
favour
this
trend.
Preserving animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
known
as the one and foremost function of Add a missing verb
is known
zoo
, especially for rare Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
animals
. Not only maintain their life but also
multiply the animals
so that they will not extinct. As an illustrate
, some countries even Replace the word
illustration
borrowing
Wrong verb form
borrow
the
other Correct article usage
apply
gender
of Fix the agreement mistake
genders
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
that
is
not exist in their nation. Verb problem
do
This
happen
because breeding can not happen since their country solely Change the verb form
happens
have
one animal for the rare type. What is more, Change the verb form
has
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
also
has been the
way to avoid Correct article usage
a
animal
from hunters in their Fix the agreement mistake
animals
nature
Replace the word
natural
like
Change preposition
apply
forest
.
Unfortunately, by taking wild Fix the agreement mistake
forests
animal
into the Fix the agreement mistake
animals
zoo
, it means they are not in their real habitat. This
possibly leads to harm their
health if they Change preposition
to their
are not have
a good ability to adapt Change the verb form
do not have
with
a new condition. To illustrate, a tiger has a habit Change preposition
to
to live
and hunting Change preposition
of living
a food
in Remove the article
food
a portion of food
the
wide area Correct article usage
a
Correct word choice
and need
need
to be caged in Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
the
limited area. The worst scenario that might happen is the tiger will die.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a
this
essay has outlined a range of upside
and Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
downside
of nurturing the Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
animals
in the zoo
. However
, I strongly think that the strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
strengths
outweigh
the weakness in order to take of the wild and rare Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
animals
.Submitted by joyapakpahan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Due to a simplistic approach to the logical structure lacking a clear, sophisticated progression of ideas, the essay requires more effective paragraphing and linking of ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, however, they are minimalistic and would benefit from more detailed exposition and a clear restatement of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but they lack rich development and detailed support. The essay requires more elaboration on each point with fleshed-out explanations and examples.
task achievement
You have responded to the task with an essay that, while it addresses the prompt, does so in a somewhat general manner. To improve, incorporate a more thorough analysis of the advantages and disadvantages accompanied by a clear personal response to the question.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant but they are not expressed as comprehensively or clearly as they could be. Focus on developing each point fully and explaining the reasoning behind your opinions.
task achievement
The use of examples is limited and lacks specificity; work on including more relevant and detailed examples that are fully explained and clearly support the points made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.