Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree ?
Children
are pressured by most of the parents
to achieve success
. I agree with this
statement because,
they want their Remove the comma
apply
children
to achieve financial freedom
and better social status
in future
.
Parents
believe that children
's success
leads to financial freedom
. Because
, if the Correct word choice
apply
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
did
not Wrong verb form
do
pressure
them basically, children
are
irresponsible in their Verb problem
become
decision
which Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
cause
the Change the verb form
causes
children
to go on
off track rather than in Change preposition
apply
a
right direction. Correct article usage
the
Then
it leads to childrens
low level performance in their academics which Correct your spelling
children
pave
the Correct subject-verb agreement
paves
way
to least
amount of Correct article usage
the least
carrier
opportunities. Correct your spelling
career
As a result
, children
are failed to achieve financial freedom
. For instance
, children
who failed
to succeed in schooling cannot make their Wrong verb form
fail
way
to good higher education which in future
leads to lack
of working Correct article usage
a lack
opportuntity
and financial struggles.
Correct your spelling
opportunities
Furthermore
, parents
put pressure
on their children
to succeed, in order to achieve better social status
. children
who Capitalize word
Children
failed
to find Wrong verb form
fail
success
in their field because of poor parenting which
affect the Correct pronoun usage
apply
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
future
. The way
to guide the children
to find their success
is through proprer
parenting . If so, they can find better choice of education, Correct your spelling
proper
then
it leads to better carrier
options. Correct your spelling
career
For instance
, children
Change noun form
children's
failed
to achieve better social Replace the word
failure
status
in future
was the cause of poor parenting in their chilhoood
days.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
childhood
parents
put a huge amount of pressure
on their children
to succeed. I agree to
Change preposition
with
this
because,
Remove the comma
apply
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
pressure
leads to improper
Add an article
the improper
an improper
decision
of Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
children
then
it
reflects on their Correct pronoun usage
which
future
in the way
of stuggling
to achieve financial Correct your spelling
struggling
freedom
and attain social status
in the
society.Correct article usage
apply
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear and well-structured introduction. It is important to introduce the topic, acknowledge the question, and state your position clearly. This should be done in a concise manner, laying a solid foundation for the essay.
supported main points
The main points in your essay were somewhat supported, but they would benefit from more elaboration and clearer explanations. Try to develop your arguments more fully with specific details and examples to make them more persuasive.
complete response
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but it would be improved by more thoroughly addressing the prompt. This is done by presenting a balanced view or discussing both sides of the argument if applicable before stating your firm conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay presents some clear and comprehensive ideas, yet there are passages which could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that the ideas are explained cohesively, extending your explanations and connecting them back to the main argument of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Your essay provides some relevant examples, but they are too generalized. Invest more time in constructing specific and insightful examples that support your viewpoint and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Overall, your essay needs work on both coherence and cohesion. A logical structure entails a clear introduction, body paragraphs with main ideas supported by examples or explanations, and a concise conclusion. Transition words and variety in sentence structures can enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite