IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree ?

#parents #pressure #children
Children
 are pressured by most of the
parents
 to achieve
success
. I agree with
this
 statement because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they want their
children
 to achieve financial
freedom
 and better social
status
 in
future
.
Parents
 believe that
children
's
success
 leads to financial
freedom
.
Because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, if the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
pressure
 them basically,
children
are
Verb problem
become
show examples
 irresponsible in their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 the
children
 to go
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
off track rather than in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right direction.
Then
 it leads to
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 low level performance in their academics which
pave
Correct subject-verb agreement
paves
show examples
 the
way
 to
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 amount of
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 opportunities.
As a result
,
children
 are failed to achieve financial
freedom
.
For instance
,
children
 who
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to succeed in schooling cannot make their
way
 to good higher education which in
future
 leads to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of working
opportuntity
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and financial struggles.
Furthermore
,
parents
 put
pressure
 on their
children
 to succeed, in order to achieve better social
status
.
children
Capitalize word
Children
show examples
 who
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
 to find
success
 in their field because of poor parenting
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affect the
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
future
. The
way
 to guide the
children
 to find their
success
 is through
proprer
Correct your spelling
proper
 parenting . If so, they can find better choice of education,
then
 it leads to better
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
 options.
For instance
,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
failed
Replace the word
failure
show examples
 to achieve better social
status
 in
future
 was the cause of poor parenting in their
chilhoood
Correct your spelling
childhood
 days. In conclusion,
parents
 put a huge amount of
pressure
 on their
children
 to succeed. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
pressure
 leads to
improper
Add an article
the improper
an improper
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 of
children
then
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reflects on their
future
 in the
way
 of
stuggling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 to achieve financial
freedom
 and attain social
status
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear and well-structured introduction. It is important to introduce the topic, acknowledge the question, and state your position clearly. This should be done in a concise manner, laying a solid foundation for the essay.
supported main points
The main points in your essay were somewhat supported, but they would benefit from more elaboration and clearer explanations. Try to develop your arguments more fully with specific details and examples to make them more persuasive.
complete response
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but it would be improved by more thoroughly addressing the prompt. This is done by presenting a balanced view or discussing both sides of the argument if applicable before stating your firm conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay presents some clear and comprehensive ideas, yet there are passages which could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that the ideas are explained cohesively, extending your explanations and connecting them back to the main argument of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Your essay provides some relevant examples, but they are too generalized. Invest more time in constructing specific and insightful examples that support your viewpoint and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Overall, your essay needs work on both coherence and cohesion. A logical structure entails a clear introduction, body paragraphs with main ideas supported by examples or explanations, and a concise conclusion. Transition words and variety in sentence structures can enhance the readability and flow of your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
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