Some people believe that in order to reduce crimes, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Prison
sentences have been the most effective way to punish criminals for several decades, while
I think alternative methods like education
can be better ways to correct bad behavior
.
Longer Change the spelling
behaviour
prison
sentences can reduce crimes
and create a safer living environment for the public,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
can have deterrent
effect on Add an article
a deterrent
offenders
. Either habitual offenders
or prospective offenders
are afraid of longer imprisonment, which is unbearable
torture for them mentally and physically. Add an article
an unbearable
Thus
, they would think twice before they decide to carry out their crime plans.
On the other hand
, alternative ways, such
as vocational training, can help offenders
become law abiding
citizens. Add a hyphen
law-abiding
In contrast
, longer prison
punishment will only isolate prisoners from the
society and they often end up failing to make a living on their own. But things will be different once they are offered classes to learn how to earn money in legal ways. After the training, they would become a useful member of society as vocational skills can help them find employment after they are released.
In my opinion, other correctional methods, Correct article usage
apply
in particular
education
, produce better outcomes in terms of reducing crimes
. Juvenile offenders
commit crimes
because they cannot distinguish right from wrong, and most of them cannot foresee how serious the damage they caused is for victims even though some of them have been in prison
before. So it is necessary to let education
experts help them reflect upon their bad behavior
, and guide them to behave in a socially acceptable way after being released.
In conclusion, longer Change the spelling
behaviour
prison
terms can deter crimes
, while
other rehabilitation programs, like education
and vocational training
can build largely Add the comma(s)
training,
prevent
more Fix the infinitive
to prevent
crimes
in the future.Submitted by binyang212 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a functional organization of ideas and information, with logical sequencing being evident. However, to enhance coherence, aim to present your points more clearly, ensuring transitions are smoother between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are provided, make them more impactful by adding a stronger thesis statement and summarizing the key points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are adequate but would benefit from more developed support and elaboration. Flesh out your paragraphs with additional details or examples that are directly related to the central argument of each paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed the task only partially by discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, there is room for improvement in fully developing your response. Ensure you extend each part of the essay with more depth and detail.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay need to be expanded upon for greater clarity and comprehensive exploration. Strive to elaborate on each point, ensuring that your reasoning and argumentation are well-explained.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples is critical in illustrating your points, but the essay lacks specificity. Incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments, enhancing the relevancy and strength of your presentation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
