IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

ome people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#ome #people #individuals #change #jobs #life #job #companies #society
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There are conflicting viewpoints on whether frequent job movements are a merit or cause a drawback in the CVs of individuals. In
this
 regard, the pros and cons associated with
this
 are argued. With regard to the positive sides of career movement, it is apparent that the more challenges an individual encounters in various organizations with different management styles, the more experience and knowledge may gain.
Moreover
, working at companies which are totally different in terms of organizational charts, processes and employee culture makes us more tolerant when facing pressing problems that may not appeal to us.
On the other hand
, rarely do managers forget the lack of their colleagues particularly when they quit the company at turning points of that department or organization like approaching
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
 or a hectic schedule of tasks for a higher salary or a bit better situation proposed by another company.
This
 movement often results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people not
able
Add a missing verb
being able
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 to experience and feel
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of mutual loyalty in the organization.
Moreover
, some individuals who change their work frequently
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 can appear as job hoppers and in turn will be refused
to recruit
Wrong verb form
recruitment
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 other companies. In conclusion, There is an advantage when an individual experiences challenging situations and tasks in a couple of companies.
However
, if
this
 happens continuously, the recruiters will presume the applicant definitely left the tasks for the sake of a higher salary or better circumstances and
this
 could be a negative point in the background of any job seeker.
Submitted by hamidreza.rezaei21 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to have a clear and logical structure of the essay. This must include well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, each serving their purpose clearly.
coherence cohesion
Organize main points in a more cohesive manner. Try to link ideas smoothly using a range of discourse markers and paragraphing effectively.
task achievement
The essay must respond directly to the task prompt with a clear position. Here, the position was ambiguous and should be expressed explicitly in both the introduction and the conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be explained more comprehensively with relevant, specific examples to support them. This strengthens the argument and showcases the range of language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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