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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#percentages #adults #networks #information #features #comparisons
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The given line chart depicts
the
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apply
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information about online adult's social media usage from 2012 to 2016.
Overall
, the online adult
users
 of
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 4 social media platforms increased during the given time period
while
 the
users
 of
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 saw a significant increase.
To begin
 with , the proportion of online elders who used
facebook
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Facebook
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 in 2012 was nearly 3 times higher than the
users
 of other platforms and it dramatically rose from nearly 65% in 2012 to 80% in 2016.
Linkedin
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LinkedIn
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 was the second popular social media platform in 2012 at just
abov
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above
about
 20%,
while
 the rest stood nearly at 15%. Moving to the other platforms, the
users
 of
pinterest
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Pinterest
show examples
 surpassed
the
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show examples
linkedin
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LinkedIn
users
 in 2014 (nearly
at
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show examples
25%) and remained almost similar until the end of the period.
Moreover
,
Instregram
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Instagram
 almost doubled its online adult
users
durig
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during
 the period
whereas
 Twitter experienced a slight increase
of
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in
show examples
 its
users
 from nearly 15% to just above 20% in 2014 before
remainning
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remaining
same
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the same
show examples
 until the end.
Submitted by nir.paba6 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average annual percentage
  • online adults
  • social networks
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • highest/lowest
  • discernible trends
  • consistent growth/decline
  • popularity
  • competition
  • functionality
  • significant changes
  • patterns
  • spike/drop in usage
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