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Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph shows average annual percentages of online adults who use different social networks. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#percentages #adults #networks #information #features #comparisons
The given line chart depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about online adult's social media usage from 2012 to 2016.
Overall
, the online adult
users
 of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 4 social media platforms increased during the given time period
while
 the
users
 of
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 saw a significant increase.
To begin
 with , the proportion of online elders who used
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 in 2012 was nearly 3 times higher than the
users
 of other platforms and it dramatically rose from nearly 65% in 2012 to 80% in 2016.
Linkedin
Correct your spelling
LinkedIn
show examples
 was the second popular social media platform in 2012 at just
abov
Correct your spelling
above
about
 20%,
while
 the rest stood nearly at 15%. Moving to the other platforms, the
users
 of
pinterest
Change the capitalization
Pinterest
show examples
 surpassed
the
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apply
show examples
linkedin
Correct your spelling
LinkedIn
users
 in 2014 (nearly
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25%) and remained almost similar until the end of the period.
Moreover
,
Instregram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 almost doubled its online adult
users
durig
Correct your spelling
during
 the period
whereas
 Twitter experienced a slight increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its
users
 from nearly 15% to just above 20% in 2014 before
remainning
Correct your spelling
remaining
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 until the end.
Submitted by nir.paba6 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words users with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average annual percentage
  • online adults
  • social networks
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • highest/lowest
  • discernible trends
  • consistent growth/decline
  • popularity
  • competition
  • functionality
  • significant changes
  • patterns
  • spike/drop in usage
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