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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams per week), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams per week), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.
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The line graph provides data about the
consumption
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 of
hamburger
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hamburgers
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,
fish
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 and
chips
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 and
pizza
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 in Britain from 1970 to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
initially
Add a comma
initially,
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 the highest
consumption
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rate
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 had
pizza
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
consumption
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rate
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 had
hamburger
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hamburgers
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. As can clearly be seen, in 1970 the highest
consumption
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rate
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had
Verb problem
was
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pizza
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. The
consumption
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rate
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 was 300
grams
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. After 1970 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
pizza
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 started to decrease and in 1990 the
consumption
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rate
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 was approximately 200
grams
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. The
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 and
chips
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initially
Linking Words
 was less than 100
grams
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,
however
Linking Words
, it started to increase over the years and in 1990 was its peak. In 1990 the
consumption
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rate
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 of
fish
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 and
chips
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 was 500
grams
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. In 1970, the lowest
consumption
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rate
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 compared to other types of fast food in Britain
had
Verb problem
was
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hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
. The
consumption
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rate
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 was more or less 50
grams
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. In 1980 the
rate
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 rose and was almost 100
grams
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. From 1980 to 1985 the
rate
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 gradually increased. From 1985 to 1990 the
rate
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 abruptly rose from 100
grams
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 to 300. In 1990 the highest
consumption
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rate
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 had
fish
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 and
chips
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(500
grams
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),
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
consumption
Use synonyms
rate
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 had
pizza
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 with the
rate
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 of roughly 200
grams
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, fish, chips, pizza, rate, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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