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Band 5

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Do you feel this working arrangement has more advantages or disadvantages? Share personal examples in your essay.

#advent #internet #people #work #home #arrangement
Nowadays the number of
people
 who
work
 remotely has increased because of the appearance of the Internet.
This
 working system has a number of advantages and disadvantages that will be elaborated on here. Some of the most common benefits for
people
 to
work
 from
home
 are the amount of money to spend and the flexibility.
People
 who
work
 from
home
 spend less amount of budget. That means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they could save some of the money that they usually expend for transportation to the office.
Moreover
, working from
home
 means that
people
 don't have to get ready and wear their
work
 clothes, they can be dressed in their pyjamas or anything. Other than that,
people
also
 can choose their own working hours. Despite all of those benefits,
this
 working arrangement
also
 has its drawbacks,
such
 as a higher stress level because of the lack of interaction with other
people
, and
also
 the only
work
 environment is your house, so it leads to increased stress levels.
Besides
 that,
people
 who
work
 remotely from
home
 have a tendency to find it difficult to separate
work
 and personal life. In conclusion, the internet advent which made it possible to
work
 from far away has its own advantages and challenges. It could give you comfort by being in your
home
 and less expenditure. On the downside, these
people
 may experience stress more easily and have difficulty balancing their
work
 and personal lives.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you are fully addressing the question's prompt. While you did provide a good overall response, more development of your ideas and a deeper exploration of both advantages and disadvantages of working from home would improve your score in Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of cohesive devices and topic sentences to make your argument flow more naturally. While the logical structure of your essay is adequate, paying more attention to the connection between your ideas would enhance the Coherence and Cohesion of your text.
both
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This would demonstrate your ability to explain and develop ideas in depth, which is required for a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion as well as in Task Achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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