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Band 5.5

some people say that computer game are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #computer #game #children #games #development
Some argue that video
games
 are detrimental to the well-being of young people,
while
 others contend that they
also
 possess positive attributes contributing to their education. After a comprehensive analysis, I ultimately assert that excessive
screen
time
 can be harmful, yet dedicating a few hours to solving complex
games
 may enhance a child's cognitive abilities. On one hand, prolonged hours in front of a computer
screen
 may adversely impact a person's health. Extended gaming sessions can lead to issues
such
 as eye fatigue and headaches.
Moreover
, considering the need for children to be more physically active than adults, excessive
screen
time
 can impede their
overall
 well-being. In essence, their bodies suffer from the extended duration spent playing.
On the other hand
, certain
games
 present formidable challenges and require critical decision-making. These complex activities can contribute to the mental development of our young ones. Engaging in
such
games
 allows them to hone decision-making skills, preparing them for future life challenges. In conclusion,
while
 some argue that electronic
games
 pose health risks, others recognize
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 aspects. I believe that the duration of
screen
time
 should be limited below a defined threshold.
However
, there are distinct advantages to investing
time
 in solving challenging problems presented through gaming. In
this
 way, children can effortlessly acquire valuable skills.
Submitted by giuliarighetti on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. Transition words are useful but should be chosen carefully to reflect the precise relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are crucial for framing your essay. It is good practice to restate the topic and briefly summarize your viewpoint in the conclusion, which you have done reasonably well.
coherence cohesion
To bolster your main points, include more detailed examples or evidence. While you have provided some support for your arguments, richer detail would make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Address both views presented in the task fully, with a balanced discussion before providing your own opinion, as you did well in this essay. Ensuring to meet the task requirement enhances your score significantly.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly communicated and comprehensive, which is positive. Continue to develop your ideas thoroughly to maintain a high level of clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant examples to substantiate your points. You could benefit from more specific examples that directly relate to the arguments being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • sedentary behavior
  • obesity
  • hinder
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making
  • spatial awareness
  • engaging learning environment
  • motivates
  • foster
  • teamwork
  • collaborate
  • mitigating potential risks
  • parental guidance
  • physically interactive
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