Employers somtimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information. Such as their habbies and interests, and whether thay are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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For some
companies
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, individual
information
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is needed when
people
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seeking for
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job
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jobs
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like their hobbies and interests. Some
people
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think
that is
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not important
while
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some find it useful.
This
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essay will discuss both of their views and my opinion.
To begin
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with, some
people
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think they are not necessary because the
job
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that they are applying for is not relevant to their interests.
For example
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, if you are applying for a
job
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that is
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related to accounting
while
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your hobby is swimming, will
this
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information
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be helpful for the employer?
However
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, sometimes the employees' personal
information
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can help
companies
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provide more suitable jobs for them, especially those
people
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who are just finishing their studies and have no idea or direction for their career. If they send the profile to the
companies
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that have many departments,
companies
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may give a
job
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for them which is
according to
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their individual
information
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. In conclusion, I think the advantages of providing personal
information
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outweighs
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outweigh
show examples
the disadvantages.
Submitted by callachan8 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but further exploration of both views is necessary for a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they are not fully developed. Expand and clarify your initial position and concluding thoughts to enhance engagement.
task achievement
The main points are supported to an extent, but the argument would benefit from more relevant examples and detailed explanations to strengthen the analysis.
task achievement
Examples are minimal and lack specificity. To score higher, include detailed examples that clearly support your points and are relevant to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization, but ideas could be connected more effectively. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural fit
  • Soft skills
  • Relocation
  • Discriminatory practices
  • Competence
  • Correlation
  • Privacy
  • Equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Biases
  • Varied importance
  • Professional capacity
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Diversity
  • Inclusivity
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