The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the proportion of
time
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents in Australia spent assisting their
children
with dressing, homework, playing
games
and preparing for bed in the year 2013.
Overall
, the
mothers
dedicated most
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
time
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
helping
children
with dressing whilst the
fathers
used more
time
in helping
children
with their
games
.
To begin
with,
mothers
are seen to be spending more of their
time
in
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apply
show examples
assisting their young stars with dressing.
Mothers
spent about 75% in total doing
this
.
Mre
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More
show examples
importantly,
fathers
and
mothers
also
spent
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
of their
time
which amounts to approximately 70%
in
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apply
show examples
assisting their
children
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
how
games
are played.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, it can be seen that both
mothers
and
fathers
spent the same hours
of
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apply
show examples
around 50% in both dressing and preparing
children
to
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for
show examples
bed. It is
also
crucial to point out that
fathers
alone contributed the least in assisting
children
. In assisting
children
with dressing, homework, playing
games
and bed
preperation
Correct your spelling
preparation
,
fathers
spent around 1%,10%, 5% and 3% respectively.
Submitted by tafadzwakguruza on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, children, games, mothers, fathers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • time spent
  • Australian mothers
  • fathers
  • helping
  • children
  • activities
  • reading
  • homework
  • playing sports
  • general play
  • comparison
  • 2013
  • significantly
  • difference
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