Computer games have a negative impact on children and their families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A
video
game is one
of the form
of Change to a plural noun
forms
an
entertainment, which has many genres. Remove the article
apply
For example
sports, adventure and action. There is some violence in video
games
that may affect the children
. So in this
essay
I will discuss Add a comma
essay,
about
how computer Remove the preposition
apply
games
affect children
.
First,
children
have a lot of free time. Some children
may spend time playing video
games
. And they might imitate the character
in the Fix the agreement mistake
characters
games
. This
could affect their behaviors
,especially if the Change the spelling
behaviours
games
is
intensive, making them become aggressive and violent.
On the flip side, every Change the verb form
are
games
Change to a singular noun
game
have
a recommended age to play. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
One
that has violence or some improper content needs you to be at least 15 years old to play. So parents should be the one
to supervise their Correct pronoun usage
ones
children
and select which game for them to play. Parents should also
sit next to their children
while
playing games
, teaching them what is good and what is bad.
In conclusion, I agree that computer games
have an impact on children
and their family
. But only to some extent. Because parents can be the Fix the agreement mistake
families
one
to select which game is appropriate for their Correct pronoun usage
ones
children
and teach them that the content of video
games
is not the same as real life.Submitted by Ze.Nin3.R0 on
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task achievement
The essay demonstrates an attempt to respond to the task, but the position taken is not consistently clear throughout the essay. It is important to make sure that the main argument is presented clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be significantly improved. The text shows some effort to connect ideas; however, it lacks a clear progression of thought. Paragraphs should be logically connected with a variety of linking words and clear topic sentences that outline the paragraph's main idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state the central premise of the essay. The introduction should effectively set the stage for the discussion, while the conclusion should summarize the arguments and restate the writer's position.
task achievement
Each main point presented should be supported with concrete examples or explanations. This essay only provides generalised statements without detailed support. Specific examples or studies add weight to the arguments and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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