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Writing Samples
Band 5

Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think that it is a positive or negative development ?

#sport #business #companies #events #development
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In
todays'
Change noun form
today's
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 modern era, we are facing lots of alterations in different fields. One of which is
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 many large corporations are invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. In my point of view,
this
 can solve more problems than creates. To achieve a clear picture;
this
 matter needs to be seen
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a wider context.
Involvment
Correct your spelling
Involvement
 of
compaines
Correct your spelling
companies
 in
sports
 can be beneficial in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
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.
This
 helps
sports
 to become more professional, which increases the quality of the contests.
This
 would bring about
participation
Add an article
the participation
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 of more spectators in the competitions, leading to financial profits for investors and athletes both. The
contrsasting
Correct your spelling
contrasting
contracting
 view,
however
, alleges that if professionalism enters,
sports
' spirit would be destroyed. For all the apparent greatness of
sports
' spirit, it would be in all people's interests if different
plays
Correct your spelling
players
show examples
 become
pro
Fix the agreement mistake
pros
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.
Furthermore
, when sporting events have richer investors, better
insfrastructures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
 and amenities can be made.
This
 would help athletes to improve their skills, and
then
 it
generate
Change the verb form
generates
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 the chance of success for the teams.
It is clear that
such
 developments can,
therefore
, lead to international championships.
For example
, when
Spain
Change noun form
Spain's
show examples
 national team won the Fifa world cup trophy in the year 2010; all the players
claim
Wrong verb form
claimed
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 that
this
 achievement was
due to
 the great equipment and
sports'
Change noun form
sports
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 facilities
thay
Correct your spelling
that
 they had. Meanwhile, some people mistakenly think that
sports
 should be done just for health, which is too unrealistic to become practical. In conclusion, I believe from the time that sport became a business; it has been experiencing great victories in different terms.
Hence
, it is a matter with lots of merits.
Submitted by alifarzaneh on

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task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout your response and ensure that your main ideas are thoroughly explained and expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a logical flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion, and use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Provide more relevant, detailed examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the impact of your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid spelling and grammatical mistakes such as 'Involvment' which should be 'Involvement', and 'contrsasting' which should be 'contrasting' for better clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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