In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, as we know most people
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
junk
food
or processed food
. They think if
Correct word choice
apply
junk
food
and processed food
could be the
one of any things to save time. Overconsumption of fast Change the article
apply
food
and junk
food
every day leads to various health issues such
as obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases. Therefore
necessary for the government
to impose a higher tax on this
kind of food
. In my perspective
I Add a comma
perspective,
am completely agree
with that statement.
Change the verb form
completely agree
Firstly
, with the government
putting a higher tax on junk
food
and fast food
, public
will think twice Add an article
the public
to buy
Change preposition
about buying
junk
food
, fast food
, and the
other similar things. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, the firtst
thing that Correct your spelling
first
government
must do is, give some education Correct article usage
the government
for
processed Change preposition
to
food
traders to follow government
policies. For example
, the government
must work together with
healthy food
MSMEs to prioritize their product on the market. Therefore
, people have no other choice but to buy healthy food
because there are more traders.
In addition
, revenue from the tac can be used to subsidize healthier food
options and the government
can make them more accessible. Moreover
, if the government
give that revenue fro
the tax to healthy Correct your spelling
from
food
MSMEs. Besides
being able to reduce processed food
the government
can also
develop MSMEs traders in some areas. For istance
, without realizing the community and Correct your spelling
instance
government
are already using and consuming local products.
In conlusion
, taxation may not change habits if people lack awareness of healthy eating or if Correct your spelling
conclusion
last
Correct article usage
the last
food
is their only convenient option. Furthermore
, it is more difficult to change the lifestyle that has been lived for a long time. But the community should to
give education Change the verb form
apply
how
dangerous Change preposition
on how
junk
food
and processed food
or the
other similar things Correct article usage
apply
for
our bodies if we Add a missing verb
are for
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
Correct pronoun usage
them on
on
Change preposition
in
a
long term.Correct article usage
the
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coherence cohesion
The essay shows a basic level of logical structure, but there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the text, which severely disrupt the flow and clarity of the essay. Consider revising sentences for structural integrity and seek to enhance coherence by connecting ideas more fluently.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which are essential components. However, both need to be significantly strengthened. The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines your position, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points discussed. Ensure the introduction clearly states your view and the conclusion summarizes the key arguments succinctly and reaffirms your stance.
coherence cohesion
The main points are identified but not adequately developed or supported with specific evidence and examples. Work on providing concrete examples to illustrate your arguments and expanding on these points to demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but the response is incomplete. The essay lacks a well-rounded discussion on both sides of the argument before concluding with a personal opinion. Develop your argument by considering both the positives and negatives of the proposed tax on fast food and elaborate on these points to present a balanced view.
task achievement
While the ideas presented are relevant, the expression is at times unclear, and the essay would benefit from more developed explanations. Focus on expressing your thoughts more comprehensively and check your work to ensure that your ideas are conveyed with clarity and precision.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific, relevant examples to illustrate the points made. To strengthen your essay, include real-life examples or statistics that relate directly to the taxation of fast food and its effects on health and the economy. This would demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic and provide concrete evidence to support your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example