In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
countries, Correct article usage
apply
children
qre
becoming obese and unhealthy. Correct your spelling
are
However
, some people believe that the government has the responsibility
to solve this
issue. I disagree with this
statement because it is each individual's responsibility
to be fit and healthy and their food
choices.
In a country, people are responsible for their own health
. Inorder
to not Correct your spelling
In order
becoming
overweight. Wrong verb form
become
Children
have to involve
in some activities like exercising regularly and Wrong verb form
be involved
find
a better diet. Which in response Wrong verb form
finding
reflect
on their Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
overall
health
. For instance
, better
way to escape from obesity and Correct article usage
a better
unhealthy
lifestyle is to find a good cope Correct article usage
an unhealthy
up
physical activities like sports.
Change preposition
with
Furthermore
, children
's health
depends on their
choice of Change the word
the
food
they consume on a day to day life. Because,
Remove the comma
apply
type
of Correct article usage
the type
food
they consume have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
influence
Correct article usage
an influence
more
on their body. Correct quantifier usage
apply
Better
way to deal with Add an article
A better
The better
this
problem is to eat more home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
instead
of processed foods. Because,
it contains more unhealthy fat and more Remove the comma
apply
in
calories which leads to obesity over a period of time. Change preposition
apply
For example
, research shows that children
who consume more real home cooked
foods have better Add a hyphen
home-cooked
health
and fit which compared with who
consume processed meals.
In conclusion, some people think that Correct pronoun usage
those who
government
has Correct article usage
the government
responsibility
to solve the problem of Add an article
the responsibility
a responsibility
children
become
overweight and unhealthy. I disagree with Wrong verb form
becoming
this
,
because it is Remove the comma
apply
a
Correct article usage
the
responsibility
of each individual and their food
choices.Submitted by insighttribez on
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task achievement
The essay shows an attempt at answering the question, but it does not fully address all parts of the task. The introduction needs to present a clearer thesis statement that shows your position on the extent of the government's responsibility. In your main body paragraphs and conclusion, make sure to address the question 'To what extent do you agree or disagree?' more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of the essay is impacted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can confuse the reader. To improve, focus on sentence structure and the use of linking words to better connect your ideas. The essay would benefit from a clearer overall structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or further explanation.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.