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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the percentage of part _time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

the graph below shows the percentage of part _time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.
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This
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 bar chart illustrates the
amount
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number
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 of
workers
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 who were working part-time in comparison to four countries in the United Kingdom
such
Linking Words
 as England, Nothern Ireland, Scotland and
Wales
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 in the
years
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 1980 and 2012. It is clear from the graph that there were two factors to measure the fluctuations in the
propotions
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proportions
proportion
 of part-time
employees
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 which are the year and the located country where
employees
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 were there. There is a noticeable difference between the
workers
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 in the
years
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 1980 and 2010 .Especially,
Soctlands
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Scotland
 had the lowest part-time
workers
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' rate in 1980 which was 1 to every 10
employees
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 worked less than full-time hours.
On the other hand
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, Scotlands increased
in
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apply
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the rate in 2010 to reach 2 to every 10
employees
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 worked shift hours.
The
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A
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 closer examination of the figures for part-time
workers
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 revealed the greatest
propotion
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proportion
promotion
 that
dedicated
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was dedicated
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 to
Wales
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's
workers
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 in the
years
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 1980 and 2010 about 30% and 35% respectively .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
propotion
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proportion
 of England's
employees
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were
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apply
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hitting the second rank in the both
years
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of
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apply
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1980 and 2010 almost 25% and 30% respectively.
This
Linking Words
 chart represents that
Wales
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's people were
wroking
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working
 higher in part-time than others.
Furthermore
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, the government of
Wales
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 should
re study
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re-study
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 the situation to find solutions.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, wales, years, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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