IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the percentage of part _time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

the graph below shows the percentage of part _time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.
#percentage #part #_time #workers #country #kingdom
This
 bar chart illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
workers
 who were working part-time in comparison to four countries in the United Kingdom
such
 as England, Nothern Ireland, Scotland and
Wales
 in the
years
 1980 and 2012. It is clear from the graph that there were two factors to measure the fluctuations in the
propotions
Correct your spelling
proportions
proportion
 of part-time
employees
 which are the year and the located country where
employees
 were there. There is a noticeable difference between the
workers
 in the
years
 1980 and 2010 .Especially,
Soctlands
Correct your spelling
Scotland
 had the lowest part-time
workers
' rate in 1980 which was 1 to every 10
employees
 worked less than full-time hours.
On the other hand
, Scotlands increased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rate in 2010 to reach 2 to every 10
employees
 worked shift hours.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 closer examination of the figures for part-time
workers
 revealed the greatest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 that
dedicated
Add a missing verb
was dedicated
show examples
 to
Wales
's
workers
 in the
years
 1980 and 2010 about 30% and 35% respectively .
Moreover
, the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of England's
employees
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hitting the second rank in the both
years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980 and 2010 almost 25% and 30% respectively.
This
 chart represents that
Wales
's people were
wroking
Correct your spelling
working
 higher in part-time than others.
Furthermore
, the government of
Wales
 should
re study
Add a hyphen
re-study
show examples
 the situation to find solutions.
Submitted by dianaishaq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, wales, years, employees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!