Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary year, acceptance and revision have been one of the most common and debatable issues for individuals and states for years. A part of the community thinks that the way to increase essential and beneficial consequences must be through endeavor, whereas
the opinion of a few groups is that on the condition that you want to solid and relax
Replace the word
relaxed
able
Correct word choice
apply
life
you ought to Add a comma
life,
possess
acquiesce of a number of worse events. I tend to be on the same wavelength with the initial idea for the reasons, I will demonstrate below.
Verb problem
apply
To begin
with, It can be clearly seen that, the societies of developed countries, for instance
, the USA and the UK, in our world try to make everything about creating fruitful consequences which are soaring with struggle and revision in contrast
to bad results of the past. They do not hesitate
take risks to get better. Add the particle
hesitate to
However
, a number of nations do not possess the same awareness in backward countries -such
as Africa- in places where there are a plethora of crucial vital
troubles in current days.
Correct word choice
apply
On the other hand
, While
searching these nations deeply, we encounter a number of lengthy theses of specialists about reasons why they are antagonists or supporters of change. The thesis narrates that A major group (roughly sixty individuals in every hundred) are conservative in undeveloped states. Besides
, They seem to hesitate to look other side of the coin due to
what they hug their local moral values. They are afraid of transforming and losing their current situation and becoming worse. Consequently
, they sustain to worse-being lifestyle without growth and alteration. Nonetheless
, People who inhabit developed unions have various perspectives. They endeavor
to remedy harmful experiences through change, and they find a chance to create good results for their ultimate goals.
Change the spelling
endeavour
To sum up
, It is my conviction that change and the developments it brought both can be a priority key factor in a well-being lifestyle consequently
, people must work to develop. It is these opinions and efforts that will make our world more better.Submitted by ezgi.maide.213 on
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coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of the essay shows some organization, there should be clearer and more logical connections between ideas for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more precise and effectively summarize the main points of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported but would benefit from more detailed development and stronger evidence or examples.
task achievement
The response addresses the task with a clear position throughout; however, it lacks full development of ideas. The arguments are somewhat repetitive and do not fully extend into comprehensive reasoning.
task achievement
The ideas presented would gain strength from clarity and depth. There's a tendency to use complex structures that can sometimes complicate the communication of clear and comprehensive points.
task achievement
More relevant and specific examples would enhance the argument, making it more convincing. The use of hypothetical countries does not effectively illustrate real-world applications or evidence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.