Some believe that all individauls who break the law should be placed in prison as aform of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the present epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that criminals should be thrown into prisons,
apponents
Correct your spelling
opponents
and I have a diverse perspective. I am a staunch believer that ample solutions exist rather than punishment. All these points will be discussed later in
this
essay. On the one hand, some lawyers presume that judging any person who commits a crime is the most suitable reaction to him.
This
means that
offender
Correct article usage
the offender
show examples
should be kept in his prison cell to regret his erroneous deeds. A prime example of
this
is Egypt where its law states that
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
who does wrong actions
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to stay in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail for a period of time away from ordinary people.
Hence
, imprisoning those felons
curtail
Correct subject-verb agreement
curtails
show examples
their risk.
On the other hand
, the
advacates
Correct your spelling
advocates
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human rights confirm that prisoning a human being is completely insane, and it should be replaced by other creative means.
In other words
, if someone is deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
his liberty, his psychological state will be worse.
Moreover
, may push him to repeat the crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favor of revenge.
For instance
, Thailand has started a project in which all culprits are involved in voluntary work to exploit
these enormous manpower
Change the determiner
this enormous manpower
show examples
effectively.
Therefore
, what can be said is that behavioural modification is the ideal target that should be aimed for throughout the whole
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
of the nation. In conclusion,
after
this
essay has manifested the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
points, it can be reiterated that prisoning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals plays a negative role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society opposite to what is being believed. I am convinced that the responsible authorities should opt for less aggressive manners so as to get the maximum benefit for its population and to improve Its community morals.
Submitted by Halakilany3 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your essay's structure. Your current introduction could be clearer in setting up the forthcoming arguments. Consider rewriting it for improved clarity.
Task Achievement
Develop each main point with clear supporting details or examples. Your essay provides some examples, such as practices in Egypt and Thailand, but these need to be further elaborated on to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for a logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. While some structure is present, there are instances where arguments could benefit from smoother transitions and clearer connections between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more cohesively. The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, but additional and more varied linking words could improve the readability and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Double-check your writing for any typographical errors or inaccuracies in spelling or grammar to maintain a high level of linguistic accuracy.

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