IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 have different views about the measures to demoralize smoking.
While
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 some
people
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 believe smoking in public should be banned, others believe more should be done. I believe that the first is not adequate and the
government
Use synonyms
 should step in to tackle the problem. On the one hand, making some
laws
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 against public smoking can be a good scheme to prevent it. It is apparent that smokers these days are freely smoking in the eyes of the public without being restricted by
laws
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.
This
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 trend may result in dangerous consequences.
For example
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, smoking in a restaurant where young
people
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 and children are present conveys that
this
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 is a normal and accepted trait so it will reduce the negative connotation of smoking.
In addition
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, the smell of cigarettes is really annoying and makes some
people
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 feel bad.
As a result
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, smoking in public will add more smokers and the country will face various threats including unhealthy lifestyles and a growing number of ill
people
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 which will put too much pressure on the public health system
as well as
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 the insurance.
On the other hand
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, restricting public smoking will not reduce the number of cigarette users, it will just hide the issue from the public eye.
That is
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, more
government
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 regulation against smoking will be beneficial. The
government
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 can levy hefty taxes on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 for both users and producers and use the income to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health insurance. Another law could be cutting the supportive social health schemes for smoking-related illnesses. What I am arguing is that the
government
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 should make stringent
laws
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 against smoking and make it really pricey to prevent it. In conclusion, it is a good plan to prevent public smoking, but it seems to me that more preventive
laws
Use synonyms
 by the
government
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 are much more desirable.

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coherence cohesion
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