IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

chart and graph about hte sale volume by different company and the pirce share

#hte #sale #volume #company #pirce
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The chart illustrates the
percetages
Correct your spelling
percentage
percentages
 of Coca-Cola sales
volume
 across different regions in 2000.
While the
Correct word choice
The
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 graph describes the variation of the price of its share between 1996-2001.
Overall
, North America was the highest among other regions in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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volume
 and accounted for more than
the
Correct article usage
a
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 quarter of the
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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.
In addition
, there was a significant increase in the price of the share in the
middle
 of the indicated period.
To begin
, in 2000, North America had the biggest
volume
 of
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 at 30.4% of the total 17.1 billion. What is more, Latin
American
Correct your spelling
America
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 and Europe had the second and third largest
volume
size
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sizes
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 amounting
at
Change preposition
to
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 25.7% and 20.5% each.
However
, there was
marginal
Add an article
a marginal
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 decrease in Asia’s sales
volume
 at 16.4%, followed by the lowest region Africa and
Middle
 East at 7%.
On the other hand
, the share price started at around $35 in 1996, before surging to $68 in 1997.
Conversely
, a marginal dipping to almost $56 was reported
at the end
 of 1997.
By contrast
, there was a considerable increase to peak at
Correct article usage
an all-time
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all-time
Correct article usage
an all-time
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 high at $80 in the
middle
Change preposition
of 1998
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1998
Change preposition
of 1998
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. Following that, it sharply fell below $50 in the
middle
 of 2000, before recovering back to $60 in the
middle
 of 2001. A moderate decrease to $55 was reported
after
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apply
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at the beginning of 2001.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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task achievement
While your essay does contain an overall overview and presents information provided by the chart and graph, the introduction could be more comprehensive to include mentions of both the sales volume and the share prices for a more rounded initial presentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by providing more succinct transitional phrases and clearer paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea which is then supported by subsequent sentences.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve lexical choice for a higher score in vocabulary and grammar, which are not graded here but are also important components of the assessment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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