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Band 2.5

The charts reveal data about the police budget from 2017 to 2018 and how it was distributed between different sectors

#data #police #budget #sectors
The table illustrates the different sources of police budget from 2017 to 2018,
along with
 the pie chart which reveals the amount of money spent on various sectors.
Overall
, the income from different resources showed a marginal increase with the exception of local taxes which experienced a significant rise. What is more, the expenditure
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different sectors reported
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 and downward trend with the exception of buildings and transport
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
 remained the same.
To begin
, between 2017-2018,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
 government was the highest source of income starting at 175.5
million
 to rise marginally to 177.8
million
.
Likewise
, local
taxes contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
tax contributions
show examples
 increased considerably from 91.2
million
 to 102.3
million
.
However
, a relatively slighter increase was reported for other sources
such
 as grants from 38
million
 to
reach
Verb problem
apply
show examples
38.5
million
.
By contrast
, within the same period, officers and staff salaries had the highest portion of the total income starting at 75% to marginally
dip
Wrong verb form
dipping
show examples
 to 69%.
On the other hand
, the expenditure on buildings and transport was the second highest and steadily
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remains
remain
 at 17%.
Conversely
, the money spent on technology was close to
be doubled
Wrong verb form
doubling
show examples
 from 8% to sharply surge
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 14%.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the flow from one paragraph to another is logical and smooth. The use of cohesive devices like 'However' and 'Likewise' is good, but try to vary your linking words for a better score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay introduction should include a brief explanation of the main trends, differences or stages. Although you provided an overview, a clear conclusion summarizing the main points or trends is missing. A conclusion helps to effectively wrap up the discussion and reinforce your analysis.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the prompt thoroughly, including any specific instructions about what to discuss. Your analysis could benefit from deeper insights and more comprehensive coverage of the data provided.
task achievement
Try to organize your ideas clearly within individual paragraphs as well as across the essay as a whole. Including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help achieve this clarity.
task achievement
Providing relevant examples to support your main points is good, however, try to integrate these examples more seamlessly by connecting them directly to the points you are making. Also, ensure the examples are detailed enough to support your analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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