«Some people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that this money should be spent for sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.»
for a long time ago
sports
have big impact for
a country Change preposition
on
esspecially
Correct your spelling
especially
athletes
Fix the agreement mistake
athlete
compentetion
. Correct your spelling
competition
compensation
hence
it is debatable whether govermonts sholud
spend the money Correct your spelling
governments should
for
top Change preposition
on
athletes
or for sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
personally
I stand with the second one and Add a comma
personally,
this
essay will discuss both sides.
firstly
, top athletes
are trained properly before compete
in international Change the verb form
competing
competetion
. top Correct your spelling
competitions
athletes
whoose
win the competitions bring numerous Correct your spelling
who
impact
for Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
country
example medals, fame, reputation vice versa. Correct article usage
the country
in
the other hand most of the Change preposition
On
athletes
being
sponsored by Wrong verb form
are
brand
like Change the noun form
brands
sports
fashion and private asociations
.
Correct your spelling
associations
secondly
, the goverments bugdet
Correct your spelling
government budget
not
only spend on top Add a missing verb
is not
athletes
, however
the Add a comma
however,
govements
Correct your spelling
government
ivenstement
in Correct your spelling
investment
sport
facilities helps to improve physical activity in general. Change the noun form
sports
moreover
can reduce obesity, heart disease, and other health-related issues in the community. therefore
, the governmental authorities should provide sports
facilities to encourage the public to improve their health status.
in conclusion, although
training top sports
players to compete in international events is important to a country, I suppose that the government should also
pay more attention to the community's health as people are facing high risks of getting obesity and other diseases.Submitted by hafidzaditaf1 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which affects the flow and clarity of the argument. An improved organization with clear topic sentences and transitions could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and more decisive conclusions to make the position of the writer more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the development of ideas could be improved with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response is only partially complete as it does not sufficiently address all parts of the prompt. The essay should discuss both views and provide a personal opinion with more depth and breadth.
task achievement
Ideas presented are not completely clear or comprehensive. Improving the explanation of key points and providing more nuanced arguments could improve clarity.
task achievement
Examples provided are not fully relevant or specific. Including more pertinent examples that directly support the arguments can help to illustrate the points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.