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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increased number of people today change their career more than once in their lives. What are the reasons of this trend? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #change #career #lives #trend #development
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The post-modern era has created
the
Correct article usage
a
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 variety of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 that can be chosen;
hence
people
 can
change
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
 from their current
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
. The psychological issue is considerable in
this
 phenomenon.
Although
 it has several disadvantages, I strongly believe that it offers
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 positive impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 our society. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 the aforementioned issue is that
people
 usually consider their talent after their adulting era.
For example
,
people
 who live in developing countries
sure
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of psychological assistance when they are teenagers. As a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
, they
do
Verb problem
are
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 not convinced about what they want in the future
due to
 the knowledge of the world that they do not have. It results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hesitation about the
career
 that they want to choose. Some
people
 discover it when they are already working so that they
change
 their
career
 immediately to
congruent
Add a missing verb
be congruent
show examples
 to their talent when they are adults. The issue is abominable for
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 reason related to their physical power.
For some
Change preposition
Some
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people
, especially
people
 who
change
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 at the age
above
Change preposition
of
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 30, may have difficulties
to maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their performance. It may decrease their achievement
due to
 the
unachived
Correct your spelling
unachieved
unarchived
 target, commonly in
business
Add an article
the business
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 field.
As a result
, the decision not only
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
show examples
 their
career
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 makes their salary
fell
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
.
However
, changing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 is profitable if we determine it wisely. Many
people
 who live in less-developed countries which often have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 specific
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 offered are better
to
Change preposition
off changing
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change
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to the professional sector.
For instance
, archaeologists
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
job
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
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 are better
to take
Change preposition
off taking
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in developed countries
such
 as the USA rather than being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salesman
Fix the agreement mistake
salesmen
show examples
 in their native country.
As a result
, the proficient person is increased
due to
 the number of excellent
people
 who
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in the field. In conclusion, teenagers who have no psychological assistance
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
often doubt
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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;
hence
 they
change
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
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 adults. Even though It may disguise their bright future, I am confident that the phenomenon may
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
due to
 the increase of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experts.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear progression of ideas, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use linking words to make the transitions between paragraphs and sentences smoother. Pay attention to paragraph structure; each should have a main idea followed by supporting information.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including reasons for the career change trend and whether it is a positive or negative development. Develop ideas fully with more specific examples drawn from real-world scenarios or studies where appropriate. Stay on topic without introducing unrelated information.
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