IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more countries are making University education completely free for their citizens. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#countries #university #education #citizens #development
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Entering a prestigious university is a prominence in the youthful society. Despite
its
Change the word
the
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 beneficial
accomplisments
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
 that can be gained by pursuing
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 in college, the financial issues circulating are nominated as the main cause of major annulments of the registration application.
By
Change preposition
To
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this
 statement, a variety of countries have taken
a
Correct article usage
the
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 first step of conducting a governmental
free-fund
Correct your spelling
free fund
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 for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 citizens' advanced
academical
Replace the word
academic
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 journey. Needless to say, it is very important to empower education,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there are some aspects that
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 to be taken into consideration. The advantages of allocating certain national budgets to construct scholarships for educational purposes
yields
Correct subject-verb agreement
yield
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into
Change preposition
apply
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an enhancement of societal aspects.
This
 can be seen
on
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in
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 how these endowments can invest
upon
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in
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 the making of innumerable talents. Compiling all the
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 that individuals
acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire
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 in their years of learning, stimulates a degree of intellect which can benefit upon generating competent people for the
prosperous
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prosperity
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 of the
country
.
On the contrary
, the nations' exceedingly high
sholastic
Correct your spelling
scholastic
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
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 have somehow produced a certain blind eye of
inverstments
Correct your spelling
investments
investment
 to a variety of aspects that could cause detrimental establishments within the
country
.
For instance
, the ongoing process of poverty in dislocated cities, the rapid mass dismissal, and the
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 destruction precipitated
from
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by
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 natural disasters. These occurrences are the result of a
lacking
Correct word choice
lack of
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 capital support which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 highly required. In conclusion, the advancement of educational amelioration within the
country
 is essential,
however
, the government must be critical
on
Change preposition
in
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 distributing fundamental funds so that the
country
 can live in prosperous balance within all segments.
Submitted by almirarhaseshaa on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but it needs to delve deeper into the subject by elaborating on your points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Aim to expand on your main ideas to enhance clarity. For example, when discussing the beneficial impacts of government-funded education, provide specific instances of how this can stimulate intellectual growth and contribute to the prosperity of the country.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is apparent, but there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. To enhance coherence, consider using a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more impactful. A strong introduction should clearly state your understanding of the topic, and your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your overall standpoint. Refining these aspects will lead to a clearer and more cohesive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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