IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

#cars #fuels
There is an idea that
existence
Correct article usage
the existence
show examples
 of
cars
 with fossil as
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
fuel
 should be changed by electric
cars
. In my opinion,
this
 is a great plan because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electric
cars
 have two advantages rather than fossil
cars
, which are
environtmently
Correct your spelling
environmentally
 friendly and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
noise
pollution
. The
environtmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 problems that are caused by
fuel
 burning on traditional
cars
 can be extremely reduced by changing them
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 electric
cars
. Electric
cars
 change the electricity into mechanic force with no
residu
Correct your spelling
residue
 at all. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 It does not produce carbon dioxide as its result.
Furthermore
, everyone who
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electric
cars
 will feel
safely
Change the word
safe
show examples
 driving
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 without smelling any dust from the burning
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of the front car.
For instance
, Tesla Motor, one of the most famous electric
car’s
Change noun form
car
show examples
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
claims can
be drove
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 500 kilo metres when
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fully charged, along
this
 distance, the car will not produce
smokes
Fix the agreement mistake
smoke
show examples
 at all. The other reason why we should have to change
fussil
Correct your spelling
fossil
cars
 to electric
cars
 is
reducing
Change the verb form
to reduce
show examples
noise
pollution
. Like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollution
,
noise
pollution
 is getting
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
 day by day. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 easily
being stressful
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
nosiy
Correct your spelling
noisy
noise
 from
car’s
Correct article usage
the car’s
show examples
 engine,
sirines
Correct your spelling
sireines
, etc.
Therefore
, we could find some people who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in the big city
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in the village.
Thus
, many countries hardly trying to change gasoline into electricity as the car’s
fuel
. We can see that changing the
fuel
 is not only the modernity of vehicles but
also
 giving some advantages to our environment and reducing
noise
pollution
.
Submitted by nurfaqihmuh on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure a clear and logical structure to your essay by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. This will enhance the understanding and flow of your arguments. Consider using connectors and transitional phrases to tie your points together for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
It is crucial to have an introduction that clearly addresses the question and outlines your position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion. Both were present but could have been more clearly articulated and consistent throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to fully support your main points with detailed explanations and relevant examples. While you provided some examples, they could be further elaborated upon to strengthen your argument and increase the essay's persuasive power.
task achievement
It is important to fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear and comprehensive response to the question. Your response touched on most aspects, but it could be expanded to cover more details and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas that convey your point of view effectively. While you presented some arguments, they should be further developed and clarified to make your essay more compelling. Avoid generalizations and strive for specificity in your writing.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to your argument to demonstrate practical implications and support your points. The example provided about Tesla is a good start, but incorporating additional, varied examples would strengthen your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • emissions
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gases
  • climate change
  • sustainable
  • renewable
  • electric vehicles
  • battery technology
  • charging infrastructure
  • range anxiety
  • government support
  • incentives
  • subsidies
  • renewable energy
  • environmental impact
  • energy efficiency
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