IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph depicts the spending patterns of individuals from various
age
Use synonyms
 groups in the United Kingdom across three different categories of interest in the year 2004
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Overall
Linking Words
, it
is observe
Change the verb form
is observed
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 that the preference for beverages was highest among individuals above the
age
Use synonyms
 of 76.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the entertainment sector seems to be more popular among people in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 61 to 75. In the given graph, Super seniors (76+) spent the most 22%
of
Change preposition
on
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 food and drink and less in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 around 8% , followed by (
61
Correct article usage
the 61
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-75)
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 20% and
minimul
Correct your spelling
minimal
 in respective sectors and maximum
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
entertainment nearly 23%.
While
Linking Words
 the other
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 31-45 and 46-60 expend
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 earning's 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 and hotel respectively.
Further
Linking Words
, It seems that the younger generation spends less than 15% of their earnings on restaurants,
while
Linking Words
 those in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 31-45 prefer to spend more on snacks and drinks as compared to those under 30, which is approximately 13%. Interestingly, entertainment is not a popular choice for either
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, with only 8% and 9% being spent on it, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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