IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph depicts the spending patterns of individuals from various
age
 groups in the United Kingdom across three different categories of interest in the year 2004
..
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.
...
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Overall
, it
is observe
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is observed
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 that the preference for beverages was highest among individuals above the
age
 of 76.
While
,
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apply
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 the entertainment sector seems to be more popular among people in the
age
group
 of 61 to 75. In the given graph, Super seniors (76+) spent the most 22%
of
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on
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 food and drink and less in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 around 8% , followed by (
61
Correct article usage
the 61
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-75)
age
group
 20% and
minimul
Correct your spelling
minimal
 in respective sectors and maximum
in
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on
show examples
entertainment nearly 23%.
While
 the other
age
group
 31-45 and 46-60 expend
ther
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their
 earning's 12
percent
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per cent
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 in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 and hotel respectively.
Further
, It seems that the younger generation spends less than 15% of their earnings on restaurants,
while
 those in the
age
group
 of 31-45 prefer to spend more on snacks and drinks as compared to those under 30, which is approximately 13%. Interestingly, entertainment is not a popular choice for either
age
group
, with only 8% and 9% being spent on it, respectively.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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