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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
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Tertiary education plays a significant role in
professional
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the professional
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 growth of a person. Many believe that
university
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 education only helps in securing a better
job
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while
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 some oppose
this
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 ideology,
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instead
Correct word choice
and instead
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 consider
university
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 a hub for other learning opportunities. I,
however
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, believe the
later
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latter
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 idea of
student
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students
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 not only earning a
degree
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 for
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job
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the job
a job
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also
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but also
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 gaining other needed
skills
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 to thrive in
a
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apply
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society. On the one hand, the primary aim of a
university
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 is to provide
students
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 with a
degree
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 to get a
job
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. Professors design curriculums, workshops, tutorials, and research work for
students
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 to learn, how the corporate world works. In fact, the whole coursework is formulated for
students
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 to prepare them for the jobs,
nevertheless
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, it doesn’t confirm obtaining a
job
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 after graduating.
However
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,
students
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 are ready to apply for any opportunity that comes their way as almost all recruiters demand a
degree
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 to qualify for the post.
For instance
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,
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
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 eligibility criteria for 85% of the LinkedIn
job
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 postings from big companies require a bachelor’s
degree
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.
On the other hand
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, it is an undeniable fact that a
university
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also
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help
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helps
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students
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 grow in their full potential. It focuses on developing other important
skills
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 to survive in
market
Correct article usage
the market
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, society and on
personal
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a personal
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 level.
Such
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 as soft
skills
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 like communication, confidence, teamwork, leadership, empathy, delegation, planning and many more are the key
for
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to
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 successfully securing a
job
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.
For example
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, in
interviews
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interviews,
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 these
skills
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 carry weightage of 40% and to analyze, special tests are conducted.
Secondly
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, universities organize different societies for
students
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 to cherish their hidden talents and
involve
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be involved
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 in social work. These things leave an ever-lasting impact on the person’s personality and around.
To conclude
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, there are people
with
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apply
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the
Correct pronoun usage
who
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belief
Replace the word
believe
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where
Correct word choice
that
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university
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 is
mere
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merely
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 a place for obtaining degrees for a better
job
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while
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 others believe in the bigger picture where
university
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 is more than education. I do agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the part where
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university
Add an article
the university
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 is
also
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 focused
for
Change preposition
on
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 personal, professional and societal growth and development.
Submitted by abid.srm on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph within the body of the essay has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly relevant to this idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clear and summarise the main points effectively, ensuring they are aligned with each other.
task achievement
When supporting your main points, use specific, detailed examples rather than general statements. This strengthens the argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Provide a balanced treatment of both views presented in the prompt and ensure that your own opinion is clear and well-supported.
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