Some people argue that government should spend on their money elderly people care. However, other people say that government should focus more education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some individuals believe that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
has to
spen mony
Correct your spelling
spend money
on their senior care ,
while
others think that they should spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
to educate
Change the verb form
educating
show examples
young
people
.althought
Correct your spelling
Although
caring about
retired
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the retired
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
really important to take advantage of their
experience
, in my opinion ,
adolesences
Correct your spelling
adolescences
adolescents
have played a big role in our country development.
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
have to care
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
about senior
people
in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of their physical health and mental health as well , in order to they have gained
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of
experience
from their
life
which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be useful for our
life
such
as ,their
experience
can
lear
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lead
show examples
us to do not make the same
mistak
Correct your spelling
mistake
mistakes
that we made it before ,in the other words when government care about their pensions
as well as
spend money on their
life
namely if they faced on any injury they have to have health
insuarance
Correct your spelling
insurance
.they more an more share some
usful
Correct your spelling
useful
information . another opinion is caring about teenagers who
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are part of every
country
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country's
show examples
development .in my in my view
Correct article usage
the
show examples
gevernment
Correct your spelling
government
has to
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
them to be
crative
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creative
and love their country to improve their
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
,
offcouse
Correct your spelling
of course
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
gain
this
result they should spend money on their education to have a good quality and make
productiove
Correct your spelling
productive
school system to learn them how they work to learn
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
and
bulit
Correct your spelling
built
build
their personality .
Capitalize word
I
show examples
i
Capitalize word
I
show examples
will give you a clear idea
.according
Correct your spelling
According
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the research that has
done
Add a missing verb
been done
show examples
in
recent
Add an article
the recent
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
those
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
where they have
abig
Correct your spelling
a big
number of
youn
Correct your spelling
young
people
,
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have been improving day by day. in conclusion ,
although
old
people
are a part of
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
for any county in the
wold
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
they are
Correct article usage
an essstial
show examples
essstial
Correct your spelling
essential
part ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
thinke
Correct your spelling
think
young
people
are able to
impeove
Correct your spelling
improve
both
life
themselves and serior so spending
mony
Correct your spelling
money
on them
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a good result for improvement .
Submitted by dler_shakar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have clear central topics and that ideas within them are logically ordered. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs in a more cohesive manner.
task achievement
Focus on directly responding to the task prompt throughout the essay. Develop your ideas thoroughly and back them up with specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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