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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#school #leavers #travel #work #year #university #practice
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The
gap
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year
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, a break taken by high school graduates before entering university, often for travel or work, has become a prevalent choice.
However
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, it brings significant disadvantages alongside the opportunities for growth and experience it offers. Students who choose to delay their education by a
year
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 face the risk of academic momentum. Accustomed to the structured setting of high school, a break can lead to diminished study habits and a challenging re-adjustment to academic life.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 interruption can
also
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 disrupt career plans, a delayed university start can mean a later entry into the workforce, potentially affecting job prospects and long-term career development. Financially, a
gap
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year
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 may impose a hefty burden. Work undertaken during
this
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 period might save money for tuition, but travel or volunteer experiences can
also
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 lead to increased debt. Socially, students who take a
gap
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year
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 often find it hard to blend back into university life, as they might feel out of step with peers who have already started building their academic and social networks, which can lead to a sense of isolation. Embracing a
gap
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year
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 entails navigating potential academic disruption and financial strain, challenging the wisdom of
this
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 increasingly common rite of passage.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay had a clear overall structure, but the logical development within paragraphs could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next, using cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. Make sure your introduction sets out the essay's purpose and that your conclusion summarises the main points and restates the essay's significance.
coherence cohesion
Your main points were generally supported, but the support could be strengthened with more specific examples and explanations that are directly related to the question. Develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence and elaborate on the ideas presented.
task achievement
While you did provide an overall response to the task, you didn't fully address all parts of the question. Make sure to answer all aspects of the question including reasons for taking a gap year and the disadvantages of doing so.
task achievement
Your ideas were clear, but there's room to be more comprehensive in your approach. Expand on your points by exploring different perspectives and including a wider range of ideas.
task achievement
To obtain a higher score, always include specific examples to support your ideas. This helps to demonstrate the validity of your points and makes your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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