All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school should teach children skills, but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
In today’s world, everyone wants to make their
children
successful. But they have
a variety of choices for their future. One group of individuals wants their children
to learn the skills for their further
life. But others think that colleges should give a wide range of subjects to earn knowledge for their future. In Correct word choice
future
this
essay, I would like to give my point of view on both issues and in the end, I will write my own opinion on the given heading.
To elaborate the
thoughts of the first category, parents think that learning skills
are better than wasting the earlier years of their kids Change preposition
on the
in
reading heavy books. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, they think that having money is everything. Therefore
, in the age of playing with toys, they put their children
in the class of adults so that they can earn a better life for them soon. I have so many examples in front of me to discuss here, as we can see that most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
Asian
doesn’t have degrees and they started work Fix the agreement mistake
Asians
in
Change preposition
at
their
early Change the word
an
ages
. I will consider it Fix the agreement mistake
age
as
child Change preposition
apply
labor
.
Change the spelling
labour
Furthermore
, another set of adults wants to send their children
to school. They think that earning knowledge is more important than finding jobs in teenage
. They want to make them professionals in their old age. And a good profession demands studying advanced research and theories. Correct your spelling
teenagers
For instance
, there are many good courses and degrees which make doctors, engineers, teachers and many more. All of these are very crucial for the development of a country.
I wanted to say here, begetter
should focus on the Correct word choice
that begetter
children
’s abilities and their IQ’s
level. And Change noun form
IQ
then
they should decide what can be easy for their youngers
in upcoming years, either to get a work skill in their childhood Correct your spelling
younger
instead
of reading books or they should choose a better respectful profession, which they can get with good grades in their academic record.
In conclusion, I want to discuss here an old saying ‘if
you compare the monkeys and the fishes for climbing a tree, you are a fool’. So, the sire should know first what their littles want to beCapitalize word
If
,
and Remove the comma
apply
then
do
Verb problem
take
actions
on their Fix the agreement mistake
action
wills
.Fix the agreement mistake
will
Submitted by araibbutt93 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat lacking coherence. While there is a discernible introductory statement and conclusion, the progression of ideas between paragraphs is not seamless. The introduction and conclusion are unmistakable, but main points within paragraphs are not fully developed or transitioned smoothly. To improve, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure that each subsequent sentence in the paragraph directly supports that topic sentence.
task achievement
The essay does attempt to address the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the skills or range of subjects in education. However, the response could be more comprehensive. Ideas presented are not fully clear and lack depth. You should clarify and develop each main point within its own paragraph, ensuring that all points are directly related to the question prompt. Make sure each idea is supported by evidence or examples, and that they directly contribute to the overall argument of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!