One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development

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In today's world, science and medicine are advancing dramatically and the cure for many illnesses that were not curable before are being discovered lately.

However

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, it has some impacts on the average age of the world's population. I tend to believe that the advantages of the improvement in medical science are more than its disadvantages. One of the main benefits of the improvement in medicine is that it causes the

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humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

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suffuring

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suffering

to become less than before. Many diseases make

humans

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live in pain and discomfort and the enhancement in medical care has eliminated many of

the the

Correct determiner usage

these

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illnesses.

In addition

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, some

people

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with terminal diseases could have multiple benefits for society if they

had

Verb problem

were

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given the chance.

Hence

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, the growth in

medicine

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medical

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technology causes

humans

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to have a life with higher quality and

chance

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a chance

the chance

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to use their talents for

the

Correct article usage

apply

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association. One of the other advantages of

this

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enhancement is that

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

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can live longer. Old

people

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are full of experience and they are the loved ones of their keens and families.

Although

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some

people

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may argue that

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

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are burdens to society,

this

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argument is refused by many more with the fact that they had paid their debts to the nation in their youth and now it is our duty to provide them as

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

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comfort

Change to a plural noun

comforts

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as we can so they can rest and enjoy the

remainigs

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remaining

remains

remainings

of their

lifes

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lives

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with less pain and

suffuring

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suffering

Additionally

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, in the new era,

people

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are less likely to have a child so the population of the world would not increase radically by extending the life of the old individuals.

Overall

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, I am inclined to advocate the benefits of the improvements in science. They make

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humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

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lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

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more enjoyable and longer.

Although

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some

people

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may believe that increasing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life expectancy has negative

effetcs

Correct your spelling

effects

on the economy, it can be said that the bright side of

this

Linking Words

improvement is much more

that

Correct your spelling

than

show examples

the disadvantages.

Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on Fri Jan 12 2024

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Task Achievement

While your essay presents a clear position and attempts to address the prompt, it sometimes veers off-topic with generalized statements about medical advancements rather than focusing on the impact of increased life expectancy. Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question of whether the advantages of this specific development outweigh the disadvantages.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay employs a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical progression between ideas can be improved. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but it can be more sophisticated to enhance the flow of information. Pay closer attention to paragraphing; each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details that align strictly with the central theme of life expectancy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
elderly population
health care systems
pension funds
extended family relationships
quality of life
aging population
economic growth
volunteer work
expertise
financial planning
retirement
age-related diseases
medical research
healthier lifestyles

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think student should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think student should spend time on other important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many students have trouble being able to focus on school studies, with their attention span increasingly deteriorating. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. What are the advantages for a company having a uniform? Are there any benefits of having a uniform for the staff?

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?