One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's world, science and medicine are advancing dramatically and the cure for many illnesses that were not curable before are being discovered lately.
However
, it has some impacts on the average age of the world's population. I tend to believe that the advantages of the improvement in medical science are more than its disadvantages.
One of the main benefits of the improvement in medicine is that it causes the humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
suffuring
to become less than before. Many diseases make Correct your spelling
suffering
humans
live in pain and discomfort and the enhancement in medical care has eliminated many of the the
illnesses. Correct determiner usage
these
In addition
, some people
with terminal diseases could have multiple benefits for society if they had
given the chance. Verb problem
were
Hence
, the growth in medicine
technology causes Replace the word
medical
humans
to have a life with higher quality and chance
to use their talents for Add an article
a chance
the chance
the
association.
One of the other advantages of Correct article usage
apply
this
enhancement is that elderly
can live longer. Old Correct article usage
the elderly
people
are full of experience and they are the loved ones of their keens and families. Although
some people
may argue that elderly
are burdens to society, Correct article usage
the elderly
this
argument is refused by many more with the fact that they had paid their debts to the nation in their youth and now it is our duty to provide them as many
Correct quantifier usage
much
comfort
as we can so they can rest and enjoy the Change to a plural noun
comforts
remainigs
of their Correct your spelling
remaining
remains
remainings
lifes
with less pain and Correct your spelling
lives
suffuring
. Correct your spelling
suffering
Additionally
, in the new era, people
are less likely to have a child so the population of the world would not increase radically by extending the life of the old individuals.
Overall
, I am inclined to advocate the benefits of the improvements in science. They make humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
lifes
more enjoyable and longer. Correct your spelling
lives
Although
some people
may believe that increasing the
life expectancy has negative Correct article usage
apply
effetcs
on the economy, it can be said that the bright side of Correct your spelling
effects
this
improvement is much more that
the disadvantages.Correct your spelling
than
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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear position and attempts to address the prompt, it sometimes veers off-topic with generalized statements about medical advancements rather than focusing on the impact of increased life expectancy. Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question of whether the advantages of this specific development outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay employs a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical progression between ideas can be improved. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but it can be more sophisticated to enhance the flow of information. Pay closer attention to paragraphing; each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and supporting details that align strictly with the central theme of life expectancy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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