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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The process of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from its origin,
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane, is illustrated in the diagram below.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 manufacturing
sugar
Use synonyms
 consists of 7 steps in which
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is harvested after growing for around a year, and
then
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, by turning it into juice and cooling down,
finally
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 is created.
To begin
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 with,
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes grow taking up to a year and a half. In the second stage, carbohydrate canes are harvested either by farmers or giant machines.
Thereafter
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, they are put in a whirling apparatus which crushes down
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes and liquifies it, generating sauce from it. The fourth step includes purifying the extract by using a specific device called a Limestone filter.
Next,
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the juice is heated in an evaporator in order to turn into syrup, so that when the syrup is centrifuged
subsequently
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals will be separated and distinct.
Finally
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, in the
last
Linking Words
 section, the mixture is dried and cooled, thereby forming
sugar
Use synonyms
, as it is.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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