In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Recently more people
tend
Wrong verb form
have tended
show examples
to buy their needs
such
as groceries, garments, appliances, and so on, from grand shopping
malls
. The consequence of their desire
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
kind of shopping has been presented with
closure
Add an article
the closure
show examples
of more local small stores day by day. In
this
letter
Add a comma
letter,
show examples
I argue the negative aspects of
this
development
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, before turning to the positive ones and I believe the positive aspects are more significant than
negatives
Correct article usage
the negatives
show examples
. In some individual's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, the closure of local
shops
appears with gross changes in society.
In other words
, their claim is the positions of owners turned to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
However
, these changes may assume
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first impression, we should not forget the fact that the
existing
Replace the word
existence
show examples
of small
shops
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
competition among service providers, which
usually
Add a missing verb
is usually
show examples
tailored to the needs of consumers.
For example
, in the past local
shops
,
due to
their owner’s authority,
place
Wrong verb form
placed
show examples
some
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
to draw more attention to their business. Needless to say, the change in folk's position from employer to employee
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
their power to control the prices and
this
change ended
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
higher costs for
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the flip side, by developing more shopping
malls
, the opportunities for more entertainment
besides
shopping are provided.
Moreover
, most of the shopping
malls
have been equipped with different facilities,
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
show examples
for kids, cinemas, and so on, to impact on consumer’s wellbeing
besides
shopping.
Furthermore
, shopping in huge
malls
would be helpful to waste
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
time on shopping. They usually contain different variety of stores from groceries to different brands of
attires
Fix the agreement mistake
attire
show examples
, which help every individual to
buys
Change the verb
buy
show examples
all the
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
without
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting
show examples
between several locations.
In addition
, these
malls
are
spring
Wrong verb form
springing
show examples
up with lots of new
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
for society. In conclusion,
although
the
development
of big shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affected lots of small local
shops
and
anchors
Wrong verb form
anchored
show examples
them to closure, I assume
this
development
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
a positive
development
from
consumer's
Correct article usage
the consumer's
show examples
view.
Submitted by ali on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that the essay has a clear and logical organization of ideas. Aim for a clear progression from introduction to conclusion, with coherent paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clearly defined and reflect the overall stance on the issue. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples. Vague statements can detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
task achievement
Ensure the essay fully responds to all parts of the task prompt. Each point should contribute to addressing whether the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear and comprehensive, allowing the reader to follow along easily without confusion. Avoid overly complex or convoluted sentences.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. General statements without concrete examples weaken the persuasive power of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumer behavior
  • shop locally
  • convenience
  • variety
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • community
  • personal touch
  • small businesses
  • local economy
  • big corporations
  • dependence
  • shopping habits
  • urbanization
  • globalization
  • competition
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