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Band 3

In somecountries there has been an increase in numbers of parents educated their children at their home instead of sending to them to school.Do you think advantages of this out weigh disadvantages.

#somecountries #numbers #parents #children #home #school
Homeschooling has been
getting population
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 in several countries for
parents
 who prefer
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 their
children
 education at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home alternatively sending them
children
 to
school
. One-to-one learning at home can be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 easy way to bring a
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 taught
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
Add the particle
to be
show examples
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exposure
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harmful influences.
Overall
, protective
parents
 usually choose homeschooling to
preeven
Correct your spelling
prevent
 their
children
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 bullying, bad habits or peer pressure.
Although
,
parents
 with
children
 can choose
expecific
Correct your spelling
specific
 subjects based on their interests, qualifications and needs to develop their
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
 and improve their weaknesses individually.
Furthermore
, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 classroom with numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classmates-plus
Correct your spelling
classmates plus
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 could be difficult
bring
Fix the infinitive
to bring
show examples
 the same attention for that reason some students learn more than others.
Whereas
,
school
 is an important step in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 to learn how to communicate with people the same age
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 peers, as well teachers or older generation,
can
Correct pronoun usage
which can
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their social skills development.
As a result
, prevent the event of isolation
such
 as
children
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with depression
due to
 being at home all the time and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 their
parents
 as
only
Correct pronoun usage
their only
show examples
 friends.
To sum up
, Homeschooling
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a lot of benefits to students but
school
 brings
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
freedom,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 and educational skills that cannot be replaced.
on
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my point of view,
Go
Wrong verb form
Going
show examples
 to
school
 is something you can't let go
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
Submitted by paulina2.0zapata on

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task achievement
The essay provides a general response to the prompt, but it needs to further develop ideas with more in-depth analysis and clear argument progression. It touches upon both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling but does not offer a thorough comparison to determine whether one outweighs the other.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of the essay is somewhat compromised due to grammatical inaccuracies and issues with word choice ('getting population' instead of 'gaining popularity', 'preeven' instead of 'prevent', 'expecific' instead of 'specific', 'strenghts' which should be 'strengths'). Moreover, the cohesion could be improved by more effectively using linking words and ensuring paragraph topics are clearly distinct yet interconnected.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Homeschooling
  • Traditional schooling
  • Personalized learning
  • Flexible schedule
  • Safe learning environment
  • Family bonds
  • Socialization
  • Peer interaction
  • Parental commitment
  • Educational resources
  • Qualifications
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Social skills
  • Peer pressure
  • Competitive pressure
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