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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the proporsional of Energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003

The chart below shows the proporsional of Energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003
#energy #sources #country
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The pie charts illustrate the percentages of
energy
Use synonyms
 manufactured from different sources of power in a particular
country
Use synonyms
 in 1985 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
,
oil
Use synonyms
 was the main source of generating
energy
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 in given years
while
Linking Words
 the
country
Use synonyms
 increased power production from renewable sources in 2003. When
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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come
Wrong verb form
comes
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
, more than half of the
energy
Use synonyms
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
oil
Add an article
the oil
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just over 52% followed by natural gas, which accounted for 13% in 1985.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
energy
Use synonyms
 manufactured from coal was 8%.
In contrast
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
energy
Use synonyms
 from
oil
Use synonyms
, which reduced to exactly 39%
while
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 from natural gas and coal increased to 23% and 22% in 2003 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the
country
Use synonyms
 relied on nuclear in 1985,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 23% which was significantly reduced to 8% in 2003.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
energy
Use synonyms
 produced from renewable sources like hydro and others,
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consist
Wrong verb form
consisted
show examples
 of 5% of whole
energy
Use synonyms
 in 1985 which increased by 3% which about 8% in 2003.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, country, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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