IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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In an advanced technological century, many electronic devices have promoted
information
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 online for a few decades.
This
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 tendency leads to numerous humans using those things for work and entertainment.
This
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 is an emergency that may have benefits for human nature rather than leading to drawbacks.
This
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 essay will expound on both views and answer the statement.
Firstly
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, one of the major cons of the development is overactive electronic devices.
For example
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, recent surveys indicated that some users have spent much
time
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 on screen
time
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 frequently for entertainment or work, which resulted in an increasing number of patients who had short-eyes or long-eyes health issues and chronic illnesses
such
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 as joint pain when they were prolonged screen
time
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. In a word,
information
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 technology is more likely to contribute to users having health problems significantly.
On the other hand
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, there are many aspects of viewers who use electronic products in their leisure
time
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 or online meetings.
To begin
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 with, viewers have many virtual meetings to expand their social circles.
For instance
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, online dating is a popular trend nowadays, it can promote a wide range of
information
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 technology for daters posting their files on social media platforms.
Second,
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another advantage is to find out some economic data for analysis in the Zoom meetings.
This
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 is more likely
due to
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 the contribution of workers who conduct some projects whenever in need.
Therefore
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,
information
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 technology tends to benefit human nature by making new friends or conducting projects. In conclusion, based on the statements above, the
information
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 technological era causes the cons of the development to be overactive,
while
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 the pros of the development are making new friends and conducting projects.
Although
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 it has a negative effect, the advantages surely outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Use topic sentences to open each paragraph and clearly indicate the main point you will discuss within that section. Ensure that each paragraph links naturally from one to the next. It's important to have a clear progression of ideas from the introduction through to the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but there's a need for a more explicit thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages. The conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay and provide a final, clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The main points you raise are not sufficiently developed nor supported by detailed examples. When discussing the disadvantages and advantages, provide specific, concrete examples to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete, however, you need to fully answer all parts of the task with a clear argument. Make sure you address 'to what extent' and not simply list pros and cons. A more detailed examination of each side of the issue is necessary, with a clearer judgment on the extent to which one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Use precise language and clear idea development strategies, such as explanation, comparison, and reference to specific situations or studies.
task achievement
The essay requires more relevant and specific examples to support the claims made. The use of hypothetical scenarios or general observations is not as strong as citing real-world instances or studies, which could substantiate your arguments on the effects (both positive and negative) of information technology.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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