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Band 3

These days the fashion in clothing are constantly changing. Is this affecting Individuals and the environment in a positive or a negative way

#fashion #individuals #environment
Nowadays we are
witness of
Wrong verb form
witnessing
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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non-stop
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 in clothes fashion ;
however
 , its effects
involved
Wrong verb form
involve
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 people and the environment in a negative condition which will be mentioned in
this
 essay. From the
stand point
Correct your spelling
standpoint
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 of society , new fashion changes in
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 that
occure
Correct your spelling
occurs
occur
 constantly have many effects on ecconomic of the people's life; in fact , the prices that should be paid for
this
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not less , because of the high
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
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 of
producing
Replace the word
production
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 process ; to illustrate , consider a family that consists of two or three young children who are struggling with new
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 fashion garments ;
hence
, whole of
family
Add an article
the family
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 would face the financial problems which
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 because of
this
 issue.
On the other hand
, there are many natural
recorces
Correct your spelling
resources
 which have been used to make a variety of new clothes ; as a matter of fact , there are lots of small and big factories which
consumes
Change the verb form
consume
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 resources
such
 as water and electric power in order to
realese
Correct your spelling
release
realise
 their productions ;
therefore
 , using and wasting resources will be
destroied
Correct your spelling
destroyed
destroying
 the environment in the new
feuture
Correct your spelling
future
feature
 unfortunately.
To conclude
 , in the modern world
cnstantly
Correct your spelling
constantly
instantly
Replace the word
changes
show examples
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Correct article usage
the
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style of clothes not only
puts
Wrong verb form
put
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 in a bad way
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but
also
Correct subject-verb agreement
vanishes
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vanish
Correct subject-verb agreement
vanishes
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 the
echosystem
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
echo system
 of
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 .
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are noticeable issues with grammatical accuracy and range which can significantly hinder the reader's understanding. The consistent misuse of articles, punctuation, and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'ecconomic', 'destroied') detract from the clarity of the message. It's crucial to demonstrate control over sentence structure and avoid errors that can cause confusion.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but the ideas are not fully developed or exemplified. The response would benefit from more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the effects of fashion on individuals and the environment to demonstrate an ability to discuss the issue at hand comprehensively and persuasively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure is somewhat recognizable with an introduction and conclusion, but logical sequencing of information is weak. Cohesion can be enhanced by better use of connecting words and phrases. There is room for improvement in the organization of ideas and coherence between them to ensure a clear progression of arguments throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fast fashion
  • Sustainable fashion
  • Consumer behavior
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Natural resources
  • Pollution
  • Social media influences
  • Self-esteem
  • Consumerism
  • Creativity
  • Diversity
  • Economic implications
  • Exploitative labor practices
  • Ethical consumption
  • Production practices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: