International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Some people think that the problem caused by international tourism outweigh the benefits. To what extent do you agree? or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Globally, International tourism has become a popular
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
which enables
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
economy in most countries.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
there is a belief that it has many negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the nation. I totally disagree with that view and will explain the reasons in
this
essay.
Firstly
, tourism all around the world increases the economic growth of the
country
which will
facilitates
Change the verb form
facilitate
show examples
further
developments.
For instance
, if the visitors from all around the world expand, the particular
country
will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
international money which sometimes comes from developed regions.
As a result
, the savings of
cental
Correct your spelling
central
show examples
banks will go high range which the government can use for
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of many divisions
such
as tourism, education, health, transport etc.
Therefore
, it
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
every department.
Secondly
, the values, cultures and special places will be highlighted
due to
the visitors who come across the oceans.
That is
to say, people move around the places and explore the lifestyle pattern of other
country
's citizens which they share
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media.
For example
, the followers can see the posts about the travel diaries and it will influence them to experience the same.
Further
, cultural diversity will expand
due to
international travelling which other societies can include
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
a positive manner.
Therefore
, rituals and values exhibit the significance of each
country
.
However
, some of the local languages and rare cultural habits will be destroyed by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
cross cultural
Add a hyphen
cross-cultural
show examples
rituals. To explain
this
, most of the young generation forget their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
nowadays and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
international languages
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
study purposes.
As a result
, they are not aware
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
their own cultural values. In conclusion, despite the eradication of some local cultures,
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
sightseeing brings more advantages locally
as well as
globally
such
as
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth and showcasing lifestyle patterns of people which some societies can replace the old and improper cultural norms.
Submitted by gaya002.nesa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider developing your main points with more detailed examples, which are relevant to your claims. Enhanced specificity in your supporting evidence will strengthen your argument. Ensure that for each point you introduce, you're also providing clear instances or data to back it up.
coherence cohesion
Strive for logical sequencing of ideas and smooth transitions to improve the flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences within the paragraph support that topic. Cohesion can be reinforced by using appropriate linking words or phrases to connect ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: