IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Some people think that the problem caused by international tourism outweigh the benefits. To what extent do you agree? or disagree?

Globally, International tourism has become a popular
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 which enables
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
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development
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the
Change preposition
of the
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 economy in most countries.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 there is a belief that it has many negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
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 the nation. I totally disagree with that view and will explain the reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
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, tourism all around the world increases the economic growth of the
country
Use synonyms
 which will
facilitates
Change the verb form
facilitate
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further
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 developments.
For instance
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, if the visitors from all around the world expand, the particular
country
Use synonyms
 will
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 international money which sometimes comes from developed regions.
As a result
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, the savings of
cental
Correct your spelling
central
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 banks will go high range which the government can use for
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of many divisions
such
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 as tourism, education, health, transport etc.
Therefore
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, it
gives
Verb problem
has
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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in
Change preposition
on
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 every department.
Secondly
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, the values, cultures and special places will be highlighted
due to
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 the visitors who come across the oceans.
That is
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 to say, people move around the places and explore the lifestyle pattern of other
country
Use synonyms
's citizens which they share
in
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on
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 social media.
For example
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, the followers can see the posts about the travel diaries and it will influence them to experience the same.
Further
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, cultural diversity will expand
due to
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 international travelling which other societies can include
as
Change preposition
in
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 a positive manner.
Therefore
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, rituals and values exhibit the significance of each
country
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some of the local languages and rare cultural habits will be destroyed by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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cross cultural
Add a hyphen
cross-cultural
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 rituals. To explain
this
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, most of the young generation forget their mother
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
 nowadays and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 international languages
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
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 study purposes.
As a result
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, they are not aware
on
Change preposition
of
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 their own cultural values. In conclusion, despite the eradication of some local cultures,
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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 sightseeing brings more advantages locally
as well as
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 globally
such
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 as
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 growth and showcasing lifestyle patterns of people which some societies can replace the old and improper cultural norms.

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task achievement
Consider developing your main points with more detailed examples, which are relevant to your claims. Enhanced specificity in your supporting evidence will strengthen your argument. Ensure that for each point you introduce, you're also providing clear instances or data to back it up.
coherence cohesion
Strive for logical sequencing of ideas and smooth transitions to improve the flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences within the paragraph support that topic. Cohesion can be reinforced by using appropriate linking words or phrases to connect ideas.
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