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Band 4.5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? and is it positive or negative development?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
Working long
hours
 at the company is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem that happens in many nations today. There are many reasons for
this
,
such
 as economic pressure and the heavy workload. The issue of working long
hours
 arises for many reasons.
Firstly
, with the pressure of earning for living, people tend to
work
 more because they believe the harder they
work
, the more money they can earn, and they usually
work
 overtime at midnight or on holidays which can help them be well-paid than normal.
Secondly
,
this
 problem
also
 comes from the workload. To put it plainly, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
white-collar
workers
work
 nine-to-five jobs but they can not finish all the deadlines in that time so the boss forces them to continue to
work
.
Hence
,
although
 the
workers
 do not want to
work
 long
hours
, they have to because of money and time limits. Most people think
this
 is a negative development because it may affect people’s health and
also
 lead to protests. To explain
further
, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
 do more than eight
hours
 a day and are passive, it will make them have asthenia or
hemorrhoids
Change the spelling
haemorrhoids
show examples
.
In addition
, when the
workers
 get stuck in a rut, they may feel exhausted and frustrated, leading to protests,
Correct word choice
and affect
show examples
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the working environment.
For example
, on May 1, 1886,
workers
 in the United States held a protest to pressure all companies
allow
Fix the infinitive
to allow
show examples
 them to
work
 eight
hours
 a day, not more,
this
crashes
Fix the agreement mistake
crash
show examples
 broke out
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 left hundreds of people dead and injured. In conclusion,
this
 negative development can help
workers
 earn more money but
also
 make them whacked, so it should be solved and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not happen anymore.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set the context and state the main argument, the body should contain distinct paragraphs each making a unique point, and the conclusion should summarize the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and transition words effectively to structure your essay and connect ideas. Overuse or mechanical use can make it less coherent.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task promptly and maintain a clear position throughout the response. State whether the issue is positive or negative and stick to it.
task achievement
Expand your main ideas with explanations and examples. These examples need to be specific and relevant to the question though they don't have to be real.
task achievement
Consider the complexity of sentences and use a variety of structures. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea which is elaborated upon and avoid repetitive points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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