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Band 3

Some people say it is important to keep your home and work place tidy with everything organized and in the correct places. What is your opinion about it?

#people #home #work #place #places
Some individuals
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 the importance
to keep
Change preposition
of keeping
show examples
 both your home and workplace tidy and organized. I strongly agree with
this
 idea because it enhances efficiency and
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 comfortable feelings
while
 at that place. A good reason to maintain the order when we put our things is that it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 our efficiency as it will be easier for us to find the location of our things whenever needed.
Furthermore
, it will
reduces
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 stress since we can focus doing our activities (Job or chores).
In addition
, maintaining order reflects positively
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our ethics namely, discipline and responsibility.
Moreover
, having a tidy and organized
places
Correct the article-noun agreement
place
show examples
 can give you
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of comfort. It is beneficial for our mental health. In
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 the comfort can
rose
Verb problem
raise
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity and productivity.
For example
, an artist can explore more of their creativity when they
given
Add the auxiliary verb
are given
show examples
 a clean studio where all the materials are organized and clean. As a way of conclusion, I once again reform that the role of
organization
Add an article
the organization
show examples
 in
worplace
Correct your spelling
workplace
workplaces
 and home is really important. As it will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and will
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 you more comfortable staying there.
Submitted by nientjeninan on

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to support it with explanations, yet the examples used are somewhat generic. Providing more specific, detailed examples would strengthen the argument and increase the score for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay shows an attempt to organize ideas and arguments logically, but transitions between them can be improved for a smoother flow. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring clear logical progression would enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Productivity
  • Organized
  • Clutter-free
  • Hygiene
  • Allergens
  • Creativity
  • Minimalist
  • Professionalism
  • Environmental consciousness
  • Sustainability
  • Calm
  • Time management
  • Aesthetically pleasing
  • Attention to detail
  • Economic
  • Impression
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