In today's world many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
day and age,the crucial thing which was called
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
this
machine
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
owned in
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
.The writer of
this
essay
mention
Change the verb form
mentions
show examples
the advantages of
owninng
Correct your spelling
owning
a
smartphone
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. One kind of critical method of
smartphone
, it can be known that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience was brought for us when we
use
such
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we can
use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
to phone our parents,friends or
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
relationships.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
we
also
use
it to chat or message
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others
fast
Rephrase
quickly
show examples
, comfortably and conveniently.For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
,when you have a meeting
friends
Change preposition
with friends
show examples
and you do not want to be late or
worriedabout
Correct your spelling
worried about
when they
come
Wrong verb form
are coming
show examples
, you can
use
phone
Correct pronoun usage
your phone
show examples
to chat or
arrage
Correct your spelling
arrange
Correct article usage
a tim
show examples
tim
Correct your spelling
time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others . Another key
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefit
smartphone
Correct article usage
the smartphone
show examples
brought for us ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is evident that the
smartphone
as same as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
device
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
us access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet and
approad
Correct your spelling
approach
to information around the world conveniently and fast.
On the other hand
, we can share
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
or information
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
platform
this
work is a method to contribute and argue to improve knowledge for us.
Byside
Correct your spelling
Besides
the pros of
this
device it
also
has come cons , it can be known that
this
technology not only
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us much convenience but
also
cause easily to be addicted for people and has big negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on health
such
as problems
eyes
Change preposition
with eyes
show examples
,
trouble
Correct word choice
and trouble
show examples
with blood circulation .These problems were caused by children and adults
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not have any knowledge and grasp about
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
impact of
this
device bring for us. Taking all points into account ,the possible impact of
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lots of
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
and some aspect of important
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
for us not only in education but
also
in many branches
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
community
Submitted by zky1705202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a well-defined thesis statement in your introduction and a summary that reflects your overall opinion in your conclusion.
Supporting Ideas
Your main ideas are not fully developed and lack depth. Expand on your arguments with more detailed explanations and provide specific examples to support your points.
Grammar & Vocabulary
There are several grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and precise vocabulary to enhance clarity.
Organization
The essay would benefit from better organization. Use clear topic sentences to introduce your ideas and linking words to connect them. This will improve the essay's coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: