In today's world many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
day and age,the crucial thing which was called
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
this
machine
was
Wrong verb form
is
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owned in
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
.The writer of
this
essay
mention
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mentions
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the advantages of
owninng
Correct your spelling
owning
a
smartphone
outweight
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outweigh
outweighs
the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. One kind of critical method of
smartphone
, it can be known that
the
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apply
show examples
convenience was brought for us when we
use
such
as
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apply
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we can
use
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
to phone our parents,friends or
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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relationships.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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we
also
use
it to chat or message
to
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apply
show examples
others
fast
Rephrase
quickly
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, comfortably and conveniently.For
instant
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an instant
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,when you have a meeting
friends
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with friends
show examples
and you do not want to be late or
worriedabout
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worried about
when they
come
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are coming
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, you can
use
phone
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your phone
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to chat or
arrage
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arrange
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a tim
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tim
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time
to
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with
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others . Another key
like
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apply
show examples
benefit
smartphone
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the smartphone
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brought for us ,
it
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apply
show examples
is evident that the
smartphone
as same as
a
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apply
show examples
device
help
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helps
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us access
to
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apply
show examples
the internet and
approad
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approach
to information around the world conveniently and fast.
On the other hand
, we can share
idea
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ideas
show examples
or information
to
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on
show examples
online
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an online
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platform
this
work is a method to contribute and argue to improve knowledge for us.
Byside
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Besides
the pros of
this
device it
also
has come cons , it can be known that
this
technology not only
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
us much convenience but
also
cause easily to be addicted for people and has big negative
effect
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effects
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on health
such
as problems
eyes
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with eyes
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,
trouble
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and trouble
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with blood circulation .These problems were caused by children and adults
do
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who do
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not have any knowledge and grasp about
negative
Add an article
the negative
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impact of
this
device bring for us. Taking all points into account ,the possible impact of
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
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smartphone
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smartphones
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by
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apply
show examples
lots of
convenient
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convenience
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and some aspect of important
effect
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effects
show examples
it
bring
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brings
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for us not only in education but
also
in many branches
in
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of
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social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
community

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a well-defined thesis statement in your introduction and a summary that reflects your overall opinion in your conclusion.
Supporting Ideas
Your main ideas are not fully developed and lack depth. Expand on your arguments with more detailed explanations and provide specific examples to support your points.
Grammar & Vocabulary
There are several grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and precise vocabulary to enhance clarity.
Organization
The essay would benefit from better organization. Use clear topic sentences to introduce your ideas and linking words to connect them. This will improve the essay's coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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