IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #difference #age #parents #children #outweigh
In the contemporary
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 it is a common belief that the
differece
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 in
age
 between
parents
 and
children
.
While
 there are a number of strong arguments for the advantages of
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 between
parents
 and
children
on the contrary
.I believe that there are
lost
Correct your spelling
lots
show examples
 of
dis advantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
show examples
.
For
Change preposition
Of
show examples
 these
age
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
parents
are facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
lot's
Change noun form
lots
show examples
 of problems when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 old
also
parents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
facing social issues. When the
age
difference
 between
parents
 and
children
 comes long.
Parents
are facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 a problem
that is
 when they are getting old at that time they
haven't
Rephrase
do not have
show examples
 enough support from
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they are not financially and physically stable enough.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 the
daily star
Correct your spelling
Daily Star
show examples
 a prominent newspaper
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Bangladesh reported that, there are 65%
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
 are facing these
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. It is worth pointing out that there are
also
 arguments supporting the opinion that social issues are more important.Because we are social animals.We don't live without social. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
are gossiping
Wrong verb form
gossip
show examples
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
the
difference
 between
parents
 and
children
. In conclusion
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 clear that there are disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
age
difference
about
Change preposition
between
show examples
parents
 and
children
Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay demonstrates a basic level of understanding of the task, but the ideas are somewhat unclear and underdeveloped. To improve, ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the question, stating whether advantages or disadvantages are considered to outweigh the other. Main paragraphs should be structured carefully, each one presenting a single clear idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. A conclusion should summarise the main points and restate your position clearly. Try to ensure that each part of the task is addressed adequately for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Coherence refers to the flow of ideas and cohesion to the 'glue' that holds sentences and paragraphs together. This essay's ideas do not flow logically, and the cohesion between them is weak, which makes it difficult to follow. To improve, plan the structure of your essay before writing, with a clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs to conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link sentences and ideas. Check that your paragraphs are well-organized, each starting with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: