IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
A big family is having a ceremony or small brunch nearby, planning a family gathering can be stressful.
This
Linking Words
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 provide problems from
this
Linking Words
 topic and
also
Linking Words
 will illustrate practical solutions to tackle them.
Body paragraph 1
The most outstanding problem is the challenge you may have with a financial budget. There will be several kinds of parties
such
Linking Words
 as places, food, or clothes. There may be a lot of differences between qualities and comfort at the celebrations, which can be intimidating for some.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another possibility would happen about a figure of large people.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 it is difficult to handle
exact
Correct article usage
the exact
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and location that should be convenient for everybody at the same
time
Use synonyms
. A classic example is a wedding ceremony, which must be a special celebration for families. So we would like to make a good memory together if some guests could not go on
time
Use synonyms
 or miss the way, or the one we care about could not go.
Body paragraph 2
For help and care for these problems,
Thus
Linking Words
 it should be well-planned and organized under real conditions. Regarding the concern, we would prepare more details, cost, and any lists to make sure for a party.
Whether we
Correct word choice
We
show examples
 can pay for an organized company
that is
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
professional management for a lot of ceremonies and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals should deal with the case of lavishness and have a fixed budget. Another solution, we should collect crucial information from all the guests and analyze
time
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we should make
well-decisions
Replace the word
good decisions
show examples
 and collaborate on documents that tend to a perfect ceremony. So we will have quality
time
Use synonyms
 and a capable memory together.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates a basic logical structure but lacks clarity and precision, which can confuse the reader. Aim to create clear, concise paragraphs that logically progress from one idea to the next. Work on linking your ideas and paragraphs more coherently through the use of appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but need further development to create a stronger impression. The introduction should more precisely outline the problems and solutions you plan to discuss, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While you did provide some supporting points for the problems and solutions associated with organising a large family event, they often lacked depth and elaboration. To improve, ensure that each main point is well-supported with clear explanations, detailed descriptions, and precise information to bolster your argument. Remember, providing relevant examples can significantly increase the impact of your ideas.
task achievement
Concerning task achievement, your response to the essay question was incomplete; you did not thoroughly answer all parts of the prompt. Dedicate time to fully address both the problems and solutions associated with planning a large family event. Ensure that you respond to all elements of the essay question to achieve a complete response.
task achievement
Some ideas presented in your essay were not fully developed and lacked comprehensiveness. It is crucial to discuss each point thoroughly, providing clear reasoning and specific details where necessary to fully convey your message to the reader. Aim for clear and comprehensive ideas that are well-supported and articulated.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from a wider range of relevant, specific examples to substantiate the problems and solutions. Examples serve to illustrate your points and make them more convincing. Make an effort to integrate specific and relevant examples that reinforce your argument and reflect real-life scenarios.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebration
  • organizing
  • wedding
  • problems
  • budget constraints
  • prioritize
  • realistic
  • venue selection
  • research
  • guest list management
  • finalize
  • catering arrangements
  • professional
  • coordinator
  • entertainment
  • activities
  • accommodation
  • out-of-town guests
  • opinions
  • expectations
  • communicate
  • compromises
What to do next:
Look at other essays: