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Band 4.5

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of oil drilling operations in remote locations around the world. this has brought economic benefits to some countries, though it has also raised concerns about the environmental impact of these operations. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answes and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

#years #oil #operations #locations #world #countries #concerns #impact #answes #experiences
The
oil
 mining company nowadays has a rapidly escalating number in remote areas in many countries.
This
 has raised financial advantages around the world,
thus
 it has
consequently
 brought massive awareness about drilling effects
Change preposition
on
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to
Change preposition
on
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 the surroundings. Regarding the first view, operations of
oil
 drilling throughout many countries especially in remote locations
has
Change the verb form
have
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 significantly escalated their
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 standard. It is logically supported by the fact that the modern trend in recent years is dependent on the consumption of
oil
 for fueling equipment. Through its cross-field functionality,
oil
 has been a massive widespread world trade cycle that affects multinational economic policy.
For example
, Saudi Arabia and Qatar are
amid
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among
show examples
 the most
high ranked
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high-ranked
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 producers, whose
oil
 worldwide trading has boosted the gross domestic product to nearly 90% by transforming their remote territories to drilling
cites
Correct your spelling
sites
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. Turning to the other side, the advancement of natural resource mining like
oil
 is plummeting the environmental balance.
According to
 research by the Geospatial Inform
ation
Correct your spelling
action
 Agency, hardly could the mining company preserve the surrounding with environmentally friendly execution
due to
 the usage of their entire harmful devices. It is relevantly exemplified that 340,000 hectares of Indonesian remote areas, which have naturally beautiful
landscape
Fix the agreement mistake
landscapes
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, have been transformed
to
Change preposition
into
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 legal and illegal mining activities and vividly destructed the environment. Nature would have been conserved in a good way if there had been no
oil
 drilling there.
To sum up
, plentiful
oil
 operations around the remote locations have been significantly raised.
Although
 economic revenue has been expanded, so crucial is the concern about
limitless
Add an article
the limitless
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 impact of the environment, that it is difficult to
be resolved
Wrong verb form
resolve
show examples
.
Submitted by yaqzhanelkiya01 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but you should ensure that your introduction more explicitly outlines the points that will be discussed. Clear paragraphing is seen; however, work on making your transitions smoother between paragraphs for better flow and clarity.
Task Achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the economic benefits and environmental concerns related to oil drilling. However, the essay would benefit from a more in-depth development of ideas and could include a broader range of relevant details to fully satisfy the task requirements. Also, take care to state your opinion more explicitly to meet the task requirements fully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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