Some people think that government should spend tax payers’ funds on cultural activities such as music or art. Others think this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
in a
country
pays their
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
to the
government
and some
people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should spend
tax
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
payers’
funds
on different
activities
such
as
Entertaining
Replace the word
Entertainment
show examples
activities
( music ) or different
things
like art. But most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that it is a waste of
money
. I would like to discuss both views
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
essay and give my own opinion.
Firstly
, I can say that spending
funds
on cultural
activities
such
as music and arts is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
thing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the cultural industry. Governments should spend
money
on these
activities
to develop as a
country
. Because younger students and
people
will eventually get
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
these cultural
activities
such
as music and arts. Not only that,
then
this
industry will develop day by day and it is good for
people
like traditional musicians, traditional dancers and many more
people
who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
related to cultural
things
. Spending
money
on these
activities
mostly
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
benefits to school children too. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, nowadays lots of kids
attached
Add a missing verb
are attached
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
lots of studies and
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
too. Because of these
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
we can expect a downfall in cultural
activities
. So if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend
funds
and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
these
things
,
then
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
also
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experience those
things
and they will
also
used to
Verb problem
be
show examples
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
these
activities
.
On the other hand
, some
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
that Spending
tax
payers’
funds
on cultural
activities
is a waste of
money
and they
suspects
Correct subject-verb agreement
suspect
show examples
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
those
funds
which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
related to developing the
country
and helping
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
who need
money
. We can see that some countries do not have good public transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
in the society. So if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend those
tax payers’
Correct your spelling
taxpayers’
show examples
funds
on these kinds of
things
will develop the
country
more and
also
it will help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
too. So it is like killing two birds with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one stone. Not only that, for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
can spend
those
Change the determiner
that money
show examples
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
poor students who need
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
well. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
I can say that governments can spend
those
Change the determiner
that money
show examples
money
on cultural
activities
, but after viewing both sides I can say that my opinion is, spending
tax
payers’
money
on education and developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
is the best thing that
government
should do.
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on

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Introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly presents both views and your thesis statement, which will inform the reader about what to expect in the essay. Your introduction should more directly address the prompt and establish a roadmap for your discussion.
Body
Develop your main points with relevant and specific examples. Both your arguments for and against spending on cultural activities need to be supported with clear examples and evidence, which will enhance the quality of your argumentation and the overall task response.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, restate your thesis and summarize your main points. Conclusions should be concise and directly aligned with the content of the essay. Ensure that your opinion is clear and well justified with supporting arguments from the body paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the structure and flow of the essay by using cohesive devices effectively. Although individual sentences may be well-constructed, the logical flow from sentence to sentence and between paragraphs could be enhanced for better coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
To ensure a complete task response, make sure that the discussion covers all aspects of the question and provides a balanced view before giving your opinion. Elaborate on the reasons behind each viewpoint and demonstrate understanding of the nuances in the argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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