IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. What could be the benefits and drawbacks of this notion?

#people #children #pet #notion
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Certain groups believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should
care
Use synonyms
 for domestic
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 discuss the advantages and disadvantages for
children
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 of caring
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
for animals
show examples
. Some groups who support the idea of treating
pets
Use synonyms
 in the house intend to give teenagers an additional activity in
such
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 a situation.
For example
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, when youth play with dogs, it would encourage more walking and running. By doing so it will help
children
Use synonyms
 improve their physical durability.
Furthermore
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, it is true that fostering
pets
Use synonyms
 during childhood would improve empathy and affection.
by Involving
Correct your spelling
By involving
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pets
Use synonyms
 directly,
children
Use synonyms
 would be
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
awarded
 that their domestic
animals
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also
Linking Words
 live like humans who need food, leaving home, and
also
Linking Words
 love.
An affection
Remove the article
Affection
show examples
 does not grow in the flash time when they mature
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but needs to build during childhood. By doing so, youth would learn to
care
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 for each other.
In contrast
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, the opponent of
this
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 view,
Add a missing verb
is thal
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thal
Correct your spelling
that
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 all houses do not have enough space for
pets
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the budget
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fostering
animals
Use synonyms
 is relatively expensive and unaffordable for any society.
For example
Linking Words
 in terms of medical
care
Use synonyms
,
pets
Use synonyms
 need an enormous amount of money for specific drugs
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages to fight diseases and for vaccination. By following the statement above
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
taking
care
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 of
animals
Use synonyms
 would depend on some essential terms like the home size and
also
Linking Words
 the capability to support
animals
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 live
instead
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 of just thinking about the kid's interest.
To conclude
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, having a pet for kids would bring advantages for
children
Use synonyms
's development, but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 needs some affordability that can not affect any
Children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ir221299 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay attempts to address both the benefits and drawbacks of children caring for pets; however, it could benefit from a clearer and stronger introduction and conclusion that effectively paraphrase the prompt and tie the main ideas together.
logical structure
The essay has a basic structure and attempts to link ideas, but transitions could be smoother and the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence.
supported main points
The main points are present, yet the supporting details and examples are quite general and lack specificity. The use of more precise and varied examples would help in substantiating the points being made.
complete response
You have completed the task by discussing both sides of the argument, but it would benefit from a more developed response that delves deeper into the nuances of the topic. Aim to provide a balanced discussion with well-developed ideas for both the benefits and drawbacks.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your task response displays understanding but is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth in some areas. Introduce more varied comprehensive ideas to showcase complexity in thinking.
relevant specific examples
While you mention examples, to achieve a higher band, you should provide specific, relevant examples that vividly illustrate the points and enhance the overall argument's persuasiveness.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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